July 27, 2010

So not Martha....

Posted by Lauren @The Little Things We Do.... at 10:40 PM
Before I got married I wanted to be prepared.  I read elevendy billion marriage books, we did pre-marital counseling and I asked anyone and everyone I could think of just what marriage was like.

After we got married I realized that no matter how much you prepare you really won't know what marriage is like until you're in it.  

Craig and I dated for six years so I figured we wouldn't experience many surprises....but I was wrong.  I'm still learning new things about him daily.  

BUT....while I think that marriage is a "learn as you go" kind of thing, I wanted to share one thing that I (REALLY) wish someone would've told me before I got married.

You don't have to be perfect.  
You are NOT freaking Martha Stewart
and you don't have to be!


I had all these notions about what a wife is "supposed" to do and how she's supposed to act.  Craig and I had never lived together, so it was kind of like playing house at first.  I had no idea how to cook.  I know a lot of people say that, but I had literally burned water prior to saying my "I Do's".  BUT...for some crazy reason I thought that as soon as Craig carried me across the threshold of our new home I was supposed to instantly be Suzy Homemaker:  cooking (in an apron, heels and pearls no less!), cleaning, and organizing our busy social life. 

I decided (in what must have been a moment of pure insanity) that I was going to make a different meal every night.  This lasted for the first 3 months until I finally thought I was going to go homicidal on someone if I had to saut√© another clove of garlic.  

I was literally coming home from work at 4:00 every day and I'd start cooking dinner, which usually took 2-3 hours (due to my inexperience) and after that I'd do dishes and clean any other parts of the house that had been neglected.  Our house was so clean you could literally eat off the floors and toilets.  Sounds great, but I was miserable and it made me into a total beyotch.  

I became really resentful toward Craig about all the "tasks" I had to do while he was sitting around relaxing.  Eventually Craig told me that I needed to chill the heck out and that he'd rather have a sink full of dishes and a happy wife to sit and watch TV with him.  

At first this was difficult because of my OCD tendencies, but now our house is much messier, but I am much happier.

Moral of the story:

You don't have to be the perfect housewife.
Your husband will love you anyway.

Did you learn any tough lessons when you first got married?

xo
{Lauren}

55 comments:

jacin on July 27, 2010 at 11:00 PM said...

THIS is an amazing blog!!!

That one girl on July 28, 2010 at 9:04 AM said...

That whatever bugged you before marriage will bug you 500X more after.

XBox.

Hated that thing before and hate it even more now. But, it's HIS thing so I have to find my selfish thing that makes me happy and call it even.

Brooke on July 28, 2010 at 11:00 AM said...

I learned that my finace threw away empty Gatorade bottles, but my husband doesn't :) Truly he's a wonderful husband, but that habit of not throwing away trash drives me bonkers. And I learned to cook, too, we together we learned that there has to be some give and take between cooking and cleaning up after.

Florida Girl Meets the Midwest on July 28, 2010 at 1:05 PM said...

I remember looking over at my Hub after about a month into our marriage and saying, "why am I so much more exhausted than you?" Because I was trying to do everything.

I have also learned to cut back on perfection.

Meghan on July 28, 2010 at 5:02 PM said...

I totally could have written this post - because I have made 5 meals for my hubby in our 6 years together. Martha, I am not:)

But I do agree - marriage can teach us so many important lessons. I think my biggest lesson came in the form of communication - now that we're a team, I have to be 100% open and honest when something's on my mind!

jules on July 28, 2010 at 6:44 PM said...

How cute are you? I'm getting married in February and I'm starting to think I'm the only one who doesnt think things will change once we are married. I'm getting a little nervous...

Brooke on July 30, 2010 at 9:56 AM said...

Jules, I personally don't think things changed all that much, over all. However, we lived together from the time we got engaged, so we weren't dealing with the first year of marriage AND the first year living together.

Rachel Marie on July 30, 2010 at 11:49 AM said...

I also had to learn this the hard way. So much changes, but when you commit and know that you want to grow together you are on the right path. I LOVE Martha, but lets all remember that she is divorced. It is better to have more kisses than clean dishes

Rachel Marie on July 30, 2010 at 11:50 AM said...

i bought my husband an xbox as a wedding gift... i ask myself what i was thinking everyday

Connie @ SogniESorrisi on August 1, 2010 at 12:17 AM said...

I'll say a big "Amen" to that. Marriage is totally not something you can 100% prepare for and I totally agree that sometimes you just have to let things go. Not in a bad way but so many women are obsessed with being perfect (or what the image of a perfect wife is) and are consumed by guilt if we feel like we're not measuring up.

Life of a Doctor's Wife on August 1, 2010 at 7:51 PM said...

Love it!

And wow - so impressed that you made it THREE months! That's a long time to be Mrs. Perfect.

I gave up on being perfect a long time ago... but I still beat myself up a lot about not being a better Suzy Homemaker. I don't think my husband actually minds, so there's no reason for me to be so hard on myself.

gleenn on August 4, 2010 at 1:42 AM said...

Haha! I love the humor of this post. Of course you're right, the wife doesn't have to be perfect! But at least she has to try her best. :)

Abby on August 4, 2010 at 2:32 PM said...

Love this post! I feel as if we tend to feel a lot of pressure, even if our husbands aren't putting any pressure on us to be a perfect homemaker.

I do know a lady who only knew how to bake cookies when she got married. "Honey, would you like to have cookies for dinner?"

Anastasia on August 6, 2010 at 6:29 AM said...

Not so much for marriage. But during pregnancy I guess I just thought I'd automatically know how to do mom stuff. Umm nope. There is definitely a learning curve!

tikno on August 10, 2010 at 3:46 PM said...

When I first got married, one thing that I felt as an extraordinary feeling in my soul.... that is... I'm not alone anymore!

ag. on August 11, 2010 at 11:17 AM said...

Great post! Great blog!
I had lived with my honey already and fortunately learned that once we were married, we felt an overwhelming need to take care of me...so I'm very lucky and even though I want to be Martha, he's much better at it than I am!

Kay Richardson on August 12, 2010 at 5:43 AM said...

I got married once. It ended. I'd married the wrong woman. Not metaphorically. Literally. I went to the wrong church. Terrible times.

I like the picture of you with martini glass, however.

Chelsea Talks Smack on August 17, 2010 at 4:50 PM said...

best picture ever, LOVE IT.

TOY COUTURE on August 17, 2010 at 5:33 PM said...

This post was a great reminder. We all try and strive for perfection but as you said "so not Martha"!!!

Michelle on August 28, 2010 at 6:30 PM said...

This is my first visit. Love this and adding you to my RSS immediately.

Marriage is work, but in the kind of way where you love your job. People think it's supposed to be magical and easy and effortless, but the reality is, the more the two of you put in, the more you'll get out. And there will be days where you'll carry the other, that's part of it too.

Melissa on September 3, 2010 at 7:13 PM said...

I think everyone goes through 'growing pains' after they are first married. The biggest thing is to remember that your happiness, your love and time with each other is more important than a sink full of dishes.

Smileyfreak on September 8, 2010 at 7:05 AM said...

I really like this blog :)

For some reason your post made me a little teary,I really am grateful for it's honesty and pure fun!

anhesty on September 14, 2010 at 10:31 AM said...

its soo true! great post!

Katie on September 14, 2010 at 12:28 PM said...

This is one of my new fave blogs!
I'm your 200th follower too. :D

PorkStar on September 14, 2010 at 5:56 PM said...

Interesting post, heading over to the other blog now.

Brunch at Saks on September 16, 2010 at 10:45 AM said...

I am with you. Holidays can be so complicated with all the families, locations, times, etc. How nice that you will be able to have it at your place with both side of the family! xoxo

Brunch at Saks on September 16, 2010 at 10:46 AM said...

PS. Following now :) Looking forward to reading more xoxo

Jennifer Haas on September 16, 2010 at 12:12 PM said...

Great post! I am already looking forward to the holidays too. My two favorites are Halloween and Christmas. Christmas at our house is a mixture of Christmas Vacation and Four Christmases. Crazy times!!!

Thank you so much for your sweet comment on my blog and for keeping my little guy in your prayers!!

shopgirl on October 7, 2010 at 1:18 AM said...

Very cool post! I love it!

I agree with you. The man that we marry loves us just the way we are.

Marriage is hard, but it also has so many rewards and it's all worth it!

Rambles with Reese

Panda! on October 8, 2010 at 6:04 PM said...

I love the 1st pic. Have a nice weekend!

gleenn on October 9, 2010 at 9:57 AM said...

I love this lesson. It hit me, I'm getting married and I don't know how to cook. :)

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Anna G on November 5, 2010 at 5:50 PM said...

great picture...!

SucceedingatFailing on November 22, 2010 at 9:45 AM said...

first time ive seen this blog, thats so great!! im lucky, my boyfriends malaysian so his family doesnt celebrate christmas which means he gets to come to christmas with my family :D

Simply Me on December 23, 2010 at 11:49 AM said...

Great post ..I guess one of the biggest learnings has been the fact that Love only begins with marrying someone you love but it sustains on loving the person you marry , everyday , for the rest of your lives ..

S on January 4, 2011 at 2:29 PM said...

Marriage is hard work. Whoever said it would be easy was lying to you! You don't know anything about marriage until you live with someone. I recently got married (6 months ago) and find that we are struggling everyday to keep our heads above the water. It's not all that bad overall, but it's a definite battle. As long as you both keep working at it, anything is possible. So keep trying and never give up!!!

Me on January 13, 2011 at 6:51 AM said...

Yeah... I thought it would be a fairytale... then I realised men are far from perfect lol! Gorgeous blog hun :) ♥ xxxx www.makinglifemorebeautiful.co.uk

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Klaudia B. on July 23, 2011 at 5:05 PM said...

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kisses,
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e.r.a. on September 9, 2011 at 1:11 AM said...

I wanted to say thank you for the sweet and encouraging comments you left on my blog a while back! I'm glad that I've stumbled across both of your blogs now. :)

love jenny xoxo on September 22, 2011 at 10:19 AM said...

holidays are tricky, my parents and my hubby's parents are both divorced, so that make 4 holidays, and we are lucky that they all live close, but that means we are always rushing from house to house so we can make them all. It's kinda nice, but it makes it harder to relax and enjoy the holiday. But I'm not complaining, it's a fun time of year :)

XOXO

Melissa on October 14, 2011 at 2:07 PM said...

Great post! I think it's funny that we do that to ourselves, try to be the best little wives we can be, when really, our husbands just want us to be ourselves!
I'm also blogging about newlywed life, if you're interested.
http://thenewlywedwife.wordpress.com/

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MMH on January 3, 2012 at 12:23 PM said...

Cute blog idea! I just stumbled upon it and it's exciting to see that I have a lot in common with you all. -Melissa

Nav on June 17, 2012 at 9:40 PM said...

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aki! on October 6, 2012 at 2:07 PM said...

I think I get what you mean. My family isn't big on the tradition but it feels sad being without half your family.

Monika Ozdoba on November 27, 2012 at 1:24 AM said...

So stunning!

Why don't we follow each other? :)

XOXO,
Monika

Sofia Donatelli on March 30, 2013 at 8:01 PM said...

Happy Easter!

Sofia

Stylishlyinlove.blogspot.com

Rachel on June 10, 2013 at 7:08 AM said...

I think it's so true that you cannot possibly know what it's like to be married until you actually are. I think we had a pretty easy transition--but you're exactly right that as a wife, you can expect total perfection, either from yourself when it comes to all household chores, or from your husband.

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels on November 23, 2014 at 12:29 PM said...

Yeah, blending traditions can be challenging, I hear you! But creating new ones is so lovely, isn't it?

 

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