tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post6171191860765455571..comments2023-10-28T05:52:46.080-05:00Comments on The Wife Diaries: Fighting FairKrysten @ Why Girls Are Weirdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07290616156300143483noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-80709714890673353702013-11-14T14:51:07.878-06:002013-11-14T14:51:07.878-06:00oh gosh, my husband is way tidier and cleaner than...oh gosh, my husband is way tidier and cleaner than i am, so it was a big adjustment of him relaxing his standards and me upping mine!<br /><br />i hate made beds and he likes them. we had to compromise that the bed can be made 50% of the time and unmade 50%, its all about the give and take!The Childlike Empresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15541683086924249206noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-49144299055535583192013-07-10T21:57:11.161-05:002013-07-10T21:57:11.161-05:00I agree, SO great!
xx
Kelly
Sparkles and ShoesI agree, SO great!<br /><br />xx<br />Kelly<br /><a href="http://www.sparklesandshoes.com" rel="nofollow">Sparkles and Shoes</a> <br /><br />Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14585681189196096870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-25212330682359064772013-04-25T15:28:04.875-05:002013-04-25T15:28:04.875-05:00I'm not sure if you are the one who is in char...I'm not sure if you are the one who is in charge of the Midwest blogger blog but I thought I would email you personally and maybe you could put the word out!<br /><br /> <br /><br />There is a Midwest blogger meet up this summer (overnight in Chicago) on June 22nd 2013. Miranda at Aimless Translation is putting it together. <br /><br />http://diesunddas33.blogspot.com/<br /><br /> <br /><br />Could you possible post about this on the Minnesota blogger site?<br /><br />Miranda also needs people to respond to her post from today so she can get a final headcount and book a hotel wing.<br /><br /> <br /><br />I am very good friends with Jen from Dexter Morgan's Mama and I know she is coming. I think Jess told me from Jess Is more that she is coming as well.<br /><br />I thought that maybe if there were enough of you from MN you guys could car pool.<br /><br />Otherwise I know I am driving down to Chicago and I told Jen I would be willing to car pool with you girls.<br /><br /> <br /><br />Let me know!<br /><br />Thanks!!Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13806238493429373791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-90465152812213471042011-06-06T13:18:07.790-05:002011-06-06T13:18:07.790-05:00This is such wonderful information and SOOO import...This is such wonderful information and SOOO important for people to realize!!<br /><br />hope you had a great weekend girl!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-89217703546810230162010-11-24T12:52:17.441-06:002010-11-24T12:52:17.441-06:00you do a good martha impression in that photo!you do a good martha impression in that photo!Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05863922140818264044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-76842211381430155252010-09-28T15:21:27.939-05:002010-09-28T15:21:27.939-05:00I wish I could give advice here but I have none......I wish I could give advice here but I have none... I do NOT fight fair... I too, am working on it..asjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14541844684232078014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-4164708104089080822010-09-08T12:38:38.111-05:002010-09-08T12:38:38.111-05:00thank you so much for this post and this honest di...thank you so much for this post and this honest discussion... it came just when I needed it. everyone has such great advice- no name calling and no past bringing up...I agree with #4 from Jules... sometimes, going to bed is just what I need. Keeping the "fight" going all night isn't a good plan for me. I need time away.. time to myself...time to calm down and look inward and say "that was the wrong way to behave."<br /><br />(p.s I just found this blog and I am glad I did- I am following now & looking forward to reading more)Sarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04016963796201775781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-47578357381815776762010-09-01T20:17:40.670-05:002010-09-01T20:17:40.670-05:00That is so sweet! From a (hopefully) future wife, ...That is so sweet! From a (hopefully) future wife, I promise to take your wisdom to heart! :)Katelynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12615082766268137524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-26748769003298884362010-08-31T09:45:07.258-05:002010-08-31T09:45:07.258-05:00Oops. Sorry I though Lauren wrote this. Sorry Kr...Oops. Sorry I though Lauren wrote this. Sorry Krysten!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-3470073909897053802010-08-31T09:41:30.311-05:002010-08-31T09:41:30.311-05:00I know this is an old post but I just found your b...I know this is an old post but I just found your blog (which I love). <br /><br />My husband and I have been married for 11 years this week. I had your temper as well. I was cured because my husband came close to having an affair. You want to know how to cure it and fight fair? Imagine your husband in the arms of another woman who doesn't belittle him or take him for granted. Now my husband did not go that far but it was still easy to imagine losing him.<br /><br />A temper or spirited personality is a genetic trait...ask Peter. He was an all or nothing guy and Jesus used him to further the kingdom of God. Through maturity Peter became the Rock. <br /><br />I still blow up every once in a while but not as much and not as bad. Some of that may come with age, some with circumstances. It is vital to the success of your marriage to learn to respect your husband, not allowing your tantrums to be a time to slash away at his soul. And that is what dirty fighting is. Your husband is 'stuck' with you, so it is easy to abuse him.<br /><br />Another great imagery is, how would you feel to watch his boss treat him the way you do? Most of us spirited people would have our boxing gloves on so fast. "No one will treat my ___ like that." How do you think his mom would feel to watch you treat him that way? Scarier- how about Jesus? Can't you just see Him shaking His head, looking down and saying Peter, Peter, Peter. Lauren, Lauren, Lauren.<br /><br />It is good that you apologize but someday he may get tired of the apologies but lack of actual change. Determine in your mind that he is a precious jewel given to you by God. Cut to perfection, sparkling jewel. If you chose to regularly loose your temper without restraint, you are taking a hammer and busting pieces off of your jewel. Before long it will loose it's luster and the cut will be gone and a ill-formed worthless stone will be sitting there.<br /><br />Best of luck. I've been there and there is victory through God. Ask Him to help you see your husband for the jewel he is and to love him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-13245708506557107932010-08-28T22:15:59.099-05:002010-08-28T22:15:59.099-05:00as someone who just stumbled upon this site, I jus...as someone who just stumbled upon this site, I just wanted to offer a piece of advice that I read:<br /><br />hold hands while you fight.<br /><br />that probably sounds stupid, but it really does help keep things calm. hope that helps :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-22291464453155666202010-08-14T11:46:01.834-05:002010-08-14T11:46:01.834-05:00Oooooh, someone is almost at 200 followers. Very e...Oooooh, someone is almost at 200 followers. Very exciting :)<br /><br />I was all set to comment on your above post, (to the tune of "tough lessons? I came *this close* to divorcing the poor guy!") but your photo here stole my attention away. There did you get it? Are those your pets?? They're crazier than mine!Kitty Deschanelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10312660200564196599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-61237106967788345872010-08-12T13:33:16.548-05:002010-08-12T13:33:16.548-05:00I just made a scrapbook of marriage advice for my ...I just made a scrapbook of marriage advice for my best friend's wedding present and now I wish I'd included that!Megan (Best of Fates)http://www.bestoffates.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-43358954321298126192010-08-07T07:30:29.813-05:002010-08-07T07:30:29.813-05:00This is very education for me because i am still s...This is very education for me because i am still single hahhaha i have to learn more and be prepared. Nice post, tnx for sharing.ChYmEc!nDy**https://www.blogger.com/profile/02460884121024325095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-39470212462002559192010-08-07T02:02:54.564-05:002010-08-07T02:02:54.564-05:00Hmmmm perhaps that you have to always make an effo...Hmmmm perhaps that you have to always make an effort, happiness isnt just automatic! xxxKellie Collishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05189277557491769994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-36807736623170235202010-08-04T13:33:01.998-05:002010-08-04T13:33:01.998-05:00I kept seeing you on a bunch of blogs I read and I...I kept seeing you on a bunch of blogs I read and I wish I had come to check you out sooner! Love your blog!Shelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14428264346128137328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-28229082666222769362010-08-03T16:00:23.447-05:002010-08-03T16:00:23.447-05:00I am getting engaged soon and I happened to find y...I am getting engaged soon and I happened to find your blog...it is so inspiring. You have wit and class I just adore it! Newest follower!Danica Pardinihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09702001933132890214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-68030524088637579992010-07-28T18:47:27.235-05:002010-07-28T18:47:27.235-05:00Deep breaths. I try to make light of fights becau...Deep breaths. I try to make light of fights because I hate fighting. Sometimes, (and I know it sounds lame) I'll tell my fellow very calmly that I am VERY angry with him. Sometimes that allows us to have a proper convo.juleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18148593257153334612noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-8837775690003929602010-07-27T00:59:48.344-05:002010-07-27T00:59:48.344-05:00I fight fair because I can't stand it when the...I fight fair because I can't stand it when the other person isn't fighting fair...so let's never fight, I'd lose, then I'd cry, and run out of the room swearing never to return!<br />This works on my husband. Is this fair?Sandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09894333322881236627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-24369703343896961092010-07-18T13:29:57.459-05:002010-07-18T13:29:57.459-05:00I'm brand new to your blog, so please forgive ...I'm brand new to your blog, so please forgive me for diving right in on such a big topic, but I feel qualified to speak on it because I used to indulge my terrible temper on a regular basis.<br /><br />I was married for 29 years, and then we had something that was just too big and too horrific to overcome. But we did have a lot of good years before that. And I learned to fight fair, mostly because I learned to control my temper. I did not use the word "indulge" lightly. I think there are several things at play for someone with a bad temper and the unpleasant proclivity to use it.<br /><br />1. If you've never had a good role model for fighting fair and resolving issues, it becomes about the fighting itself - winning points instead of solving problems. If you have no role model, then often the only arguing you've seen is what I call "Jerry Springer/soap opera arguing" - Make a big, sweeping, brilliant point and sweep out of the room for maximum drama. LOTS of drama win points, zero problem resolution points. <br /><br />My ex said something very valuable to me once, and thankfully I heard it and took it to heart - "You make a big dramatic point and then flounce out or slam the door, and there's no more discussion. That isn't fair." He was right. Notice he didn't do it in the politically correct "when you do X it hurts me." Bah. Sometimes you have to call it like you see it. Just no cussing and no names, please. <br /><br />2. I'm going to bring up indulgent again, because I truly believe it is self indulgent to let that temper fly free. It's wrong, it's unfair, it's occasionally scary for the spouse and/or kids to view someone allowing themselves to "lose" control. It also becomes easier and easier to "lose" control if you allow it and are allowed. It isn't a <i>loss</i> of control, its a throwing self-control to the wind for the temporary feeling of power and "I just wanna be MAD now, dammit" feeling. Not constructive. Not healthy. Not a good role model.<br /><br />3. People who are verbally quick and talented <b>REALLY</b> have no excuse for being hurtful or destructive during an argument. I used to think, almost with pride, how quickly I could make a devastating point, but really I was just overly impressed with my own verbal agility. So, SO attractive. Now I'd rather appear wise and thoughtful for sticking to the issue, and choosing my words carefully. Because, as my ego tells me, I surely can pick out words. Whoop dee doo. Solve a tricky issue about money, or showing up on time, or drinking? Now THAT'S clever.<br /><br />4. If you have a terrible temper, the "don't sleep 'til you solve it" is terrible advice. Defensive, hostile, angry, belittling words do NOT serve to come to a compromise OR further the growth in marriage, and if that's all you're capable of in your rage, try to stop talking. Just stop. And without cutting off the other person, say "I'm just repeating myself here, and getting madder and madder, and that's going to make this worse. Can we agree to think about it and try to work this out later, either talking or writing it?" <br /><br />5. "Try not. Do." --Yoda<br /><br />6. My mother had some good advice along these lines too - "Once you've said something, those words are out there and in someone's mind and heart forever. You can't take them back."<br /><br />JulesJulesagainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12414268634758701762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-44561486223166559122010-07-14T10:20:11.747-05:002010-07-14T10:20:11.747-05:00This is seriously the cutest blog! I love that all...This is seriously the cutest blog! I love that all you have gotten together and created this adorable blog and I am certainly following to see what other things I might take away from this.<br /><br />As far as fighting with my husband we've been married three years and we don't really have them. They are more of tiffs, small arguements, but my husband is so kind and level headed that he seems to bring out the best in me. I do find when frustrated we talk about it before it escalates. I've never been a fighter, nor has my husband, we both immediately look for the solution and so far it's worked!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03667521490706435608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-91244859334953238732010-07-08T16:45:17.614-05:002010-07-08T16:45:17.614-05:00Fighting itself is a bit "unfair" - it i...Fighting itself is a bit "unfair" - it implies a loss of control - letting one's emotions overcome logic and reason. So I don't think fighting is ever really "fair", and no one can possibly be a "nice" fighter. The main thing is to try and think logically, at least thats what I think.Joytihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06704064690267281149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-36912145160829009242010-07-06T10:32:50.479-05:002010-07-06T10:32:50.479-05:00I concur with leaving. Completely. You must remo...I concur with leaving. Completely. You must remove yourself and get your emotions under control. Once, I had to leave about 6 times during the same "conversation". :)Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09513201716520406672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-46460768743780838172010-06-30T10:39:24.771-05:002010-06-30T10:39:24.771-05:00OK, so this appears to be the only comment from a ...OK, so this appears to be the only comment from a man...which I seem to be encountering more and more as I enter the blogging world. I remember hearing a story somewhere about a man who lived well into his old age. When asked about it, he credited it to he and his wife of 50 years never fighting. He said when they got mad, he left and went for a walk until he calmed down. He said the daily fresh air really helped his health...:)<br /><br />In reality, it takes mental toughness to fight fair. Once it becomes about anything other than what you can control (your feelings) it is time to take a walk. Easier said than done.Molotovhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04443396589293132480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607532308544842301.post-7033019930210694752010-06-29T14:46:54.612-05:002010-06-29T14:46:54.612-05:00I leave the room and cool down. But I never say th...I leave the room and cool down. But I never say things that I know I will regret later.Elle Seeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01700861489513811406noreply@blogger.com