May 08, 2010

Abstinence.

Posted by Lauren @The Little Things We Do.... at 3:36 PM
I figured that title would catch your attention.  
Was I correct in my assumption?

The topic of abstinence on a blog called "The Wife Diaries" probably sounds a little odd, right?  Well, don't worry - Craig and I have sex - we are definitely NOT abstinent.  BUT.... we were until we got married.  I know this really isn't the norm anymore, so sometimes when people find this out, their response tends to be shock.  I'll tell you more about this in a minute, but the reason I am even talking about this was because I received a question via the formspring we have for this blog about the topic (feel free to ask any of us more questions here).  Here is the question:

To Lauren H--How did you and your husband decide to abstain until marriage? Was it hard? Do you regret it?

So....here's my answer....

The short answer is that Craig and I saved sex for marriage for "religious" reasons.  I actually hate the word religion because it sounds so sterile and unrelatable, but for lack of a better term, that's the reason.  I believe that God intended sex to be enjoyed within marriage.  I know that not everyone who reads this blog will share my faith or my opinions on this topic and I can completely understand that.  I do not judge others who have sex before marriage.  I can completely understand why people do and I don't blame them.  There were many times I considered doing the same.  So please don't feel judged as I write this, because I promise that is not my intent.

Craig and I started dating in high school.  Regardless of my moral stance on the subject of sex I was most definitely not ready for it in high school - I was a senior and Craig was a sophomore.  Also, I quite honestly didn't really think that far into the future and even though I knew it was a possibility, I never really thought that deciding to wait to have sex 'til I was married would mean waiting for six LONG years.  

A few years into dating it got really difficult.  I was out on my own and trying to figure out my faith for myself and I didn't really care to wait anymore.  Lucky for me I have a stubborn husband who sticks by his beliefs and wouldn't give in....even when I would get mad at him for it.  I'm not going to lie and say we were perfect because we weren't, but we did manage to save sex for our wedding night and on that day I thanked my husband for loving me enough to do what was best for me by waiting.  

I absolutely do not regret waiting to have sex until we were married.  Our wedding night was incredibly special and even though it obviously wasn't the perfect, it wasn't super awkward and painful like I thought and we were both in the same boat....figuring it out together with the rest of our lives to learn how to perfect it.

I'm not going to tell you that waiting doesn't have it's challenges, but knowing that Craig has been my only partner and I was his only is so nice.  I never have to worry about comparing to other girls and vice versa.  For us this was the right decision.

I feel super vulnerable putting this all out there, but my hope is that you guys will be understanding and know that I am just sharing my heart instead of pushing an agenda.  I really and truly do appreciate all of your questions and the thoughtful comments that all of you who read this blog leave.  

Don't forget, if you have any other questions, feel free to ask us using our formspring.  If it's a question for a specific wife, please specify that in your question.

Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

xo
{Lauren}        

49 comments:

Helena - A Diary of Lovely on May 8, 2010 at 4:10 PM said...

great post Lauren! admiring I must say :)

Kathy Haynie on May 8, 2010 at 4:27 PM said...

I love the way you've worded a delicate and personal topic. Atta girl! I admire and appreciate the choices you and Craig made.

Meg on May 8, 2010 at 4:32 PM said...

i admire your honesty and humility in discussing this topic openly lauren! i know it is something that gets a lot of weird looks nowadays! my husband and i made the same decision to abstain from sex until marriage, although we only had to wait about three years, not six -- holy crap! good for you guys!!

Shannon on May 8, 2010 at 4:32 PM said...

I think this is awesome, and I'm encouraged as a single gal by you sharing your story in this area. Thanks for being honest and open about it! It's a hard decision to make nowadays, but there's something really special and faithful about waiting. I think it's also a choice that really honors the covenant of marriage and what it means to God. But it's also something everyone has to decide for themselves. I'm sure this post will start up an interesting dialogue!

I'm Stacey... on May 8, 2010 at 4:45 PM said...

Way to go, Lauren! Josh and I were only together for 5 months before we got married, so it wasn't incredibly difficult to abstain from sex until we got married, but I'm so glad we did, and I admire you and Craig immensely for abstaining for six years.

KB on May 8, 2010 at 5:10 PM said...

Thank you for posting about this.
My husband and I waited as well. We were eachothers firsts and he was, wait for it.....28 years old!

I can say that it was the best thing we ever did and our marriage thanks us for it! It is so worth it and I wish more people understood that!

Krysten @ After 'I Do' on May 8, 2010 at 5:31 PM said...

I think it's pretty great that you put this out there despite feeling vulnerable. My hope is that there are other couples out there that are trying to wait and they're feeling as if they're the ONLY ones. Maybe they'll find this and realize they're not alone and that might just make them stronger.

I didn't wait. I made a different decision than you did and I don't regret it. But I'm also not going to look down on anyone else for making a decision different than I made. To each their own.

Kudos to you for telling your story Lauren.

Karli on May 8, 2010 at 8:30 PM said...

I echo what a lot of the other girls have said in that I'm really happy you posted about this Lauren, while we have different religious beliefs, I really admire your honesty - it definitely makes reading a blog more, I guess, interesting/beneficial when you know the writer is doing their best to be truthful and authentic.

Anastasia on May 8, 2010 at 11:30 PM said...

I admire your strength, or your husbands at least. ;) Thanks for putting it out there. My husband I didn't wait, but I like what you said about your wedding night being special. I guess it would have been more special if we hadn't experience that before. (and didn't already have a baby to take our time up ;)

Anonymous said...

It's over stigmatized and people should not be ashamed about it, it's between you and your partner and no one can make the decision but you.

I think it's cool you waited, but I wouldn't judge you or anyone else for not waiting.

There is no trophy for those who gave it away early or those waited until they were married. As long as you two are happy that is what is truly important!

Claire on May 9, 2010 at 2:40 AM said...

Wow good for ou both!
I 've beeen with my hubbie for 20 rs, scince i was 16, and we didnt wait, although we lived together and didn't get married till we'd been together 10 years so the thought of waiting never entered our heads, haha!
I just dont think it's anyone else's business really, as long as ou're happy thats all that matters :)

Ashley on May 9, 2010 at 1:07 PM said...

Awesome post. You really have a way with "sensitive" topics. :)

Faiza on May 9, 2010 at 8:42 PM said...

this post is such a gift for men and women. thank you for sharing your truth and your experience lauren.

ruthy ann on May 9, 2010 at 10:37 PM said...

we waited too. I think it is sooooo awesome to read so many others have waited...great post!

Life of a Doctor's Wife on May 10, 2010 at 11:52 AM said...

I really admire your honesty and your commitment to God and to yourself. Thank you so much for sharing it!

samnhal on May 10, 2010 at 2:37 PM said...

I totally think it's awesome that you wrote about this! My husband and I waited too, mainly like you, for religious reasons...but you know, so many people who are of the same faith don't wait, I think it's more than just religious reasons, you have to have strong conviction and determination to make it! It was hard, but I'm SO glad that we waited.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so, so much for posting this. I am nowhere NEAR marriage age, but I have recently been struggling with the abstinence part of my religion. It is so nice to hear from someone who abstained! Thanks again!

MrsCaptKerk on May 10, 2010 at 9:36 PM said...

I think its great you guys waited until marriage. I think its very admirable. I also have to give kudos for having the gusto to talk about this.

MrsDixon on May 10, 2010 at 9:55 PM said...

Great topic and great post! I agree that waiting until marriage is the best option! You go girl!

Becca on May 11, 2010 at 6:16 AM said...

Thanks Lauren!
I wouldn't have actually asked this question, but I'm engaged and in the same boat so it's good to see some people a little further down the road.
Thanks for taking the time to write this!!!

Brooke on May 11, 2010 at 7:20 PM said...

I really loved this post. My husband and I did not abstain (and each had partners before each other), but I really enjoyed your view on the topic. Thanks for sharing that it wasn't always an easy decision and that you supported each other in it. I think so often, some people who've chosen abstinence get self-righteous about their choice and are arrogant to others who've chosen another path, and I really appreciate your understanding stance on the subject. Thanks for opening up :)

Nishant on May 11, 2010 at 9:31 PM said...

I love the way you've worded a delicate and personal topic.
post free classified ads

Charmed by the Star Filled Texas Sky on May 12, 2010 at 1:52 AM said...

love this post!! So glad I found your blog!! :)

Ashley on May 12, 2010 at 9:14 AM said...

I think its awesome that you and your husband waited, and that you were willing to share this with everyone. I'm single, and I'm waiting until I get married. It can be hard, but its nice to see someone else making the same decision and talking about it openly. Makes girls like me feel like we're not alone! Thanks!

my name is lauren. on May 13, 2010 at 8:25 AM said...

Thank you all so much for your sweet and encouraging comments. It sounds like many of you have been or are in the same boat and I'm just glad that this post was able to encourage you. I know that this is the aim of all of the wives here on the wife diaries - to encourage you all in your marriages and to be open and honest about it so we can all learn from one another. If you have any other questions don't hesitate to ask.

drollgirl on May 13, 2010 at 4:27 PM said...

you are so brave to write this! and i think you both did what was best for you. so glad it worked out! and i am sure the first time having sex together was a bit awkward, but it is bound to get better and better. :)

and it is so nice that you both are loving each other and so happy with each other, and not comparing to past relationships. that is fantastic!

Jen on May 14, 2010 at 10:41 AM said...

Lauren, I think you did a great job answering this question, without coming across as righteous at all! And I'm glad both of you stuck to your guns in what you believe. That is very admirable.

My boyfriend feels the same way you do, and I did... for a while, until my college boyfriend. I guess you could say I'm taking a second stab at abstinence, and it's not easy! But, I'm trying because I know it's important to him, and when we do get married, it's going to be so special (even still!).

Q, La, and Gooner on May 14, 2010 at 1:54 PM said...

Awesome. Saying you waiting for "religious" reasons is almost as hard as saying you follow for " a personal relationship with Christ reasons" it is just hard to explain it.

The union between a husband and wife is SO SPECIAL. I am so glad that you have this one of a kind bond.

Marie on May 14, 2010 at 7:37 PM said...

I always envy couples who are each others one & only. I thought it would work that way for me, but it didn't happen that way. I feel that I give a bit of myself to each man I'm with & that if I'm not careful, I'll have nothing left for my future husband. I'm not religious, but I was raised with good morals. It's to know there are other people who share common views, no matter the reason.

Dr. Heckle on May 16, 2010 at 11:05 PM said...

It's great that you were able to wait. That's not an easy thing to do!

a jacob black's tale on May 19, 2010 at 3:33 PM said...

You are definitely a minority and thanks for sharing and encouraging others.

I thought it was also interesting that your husband is younger than you too. Which is cool.

Krystal on May 20, 2010 at 10:41 AM said...

my husband and i did too!

Ali on May 20, 2010 at 1:38 PM said...

This is a great post! I know how precious of a thing it is for you to know you're the only one your spouse has been with. I know this because I do not have that same treasure, and wish I did.

Sadako on May 20, 2010 at 3:52 PM said...

Very good post. I've been reading a lot about abstinence now in the news--it's the new promiscuous, apparently--and you had some great stuff to say about it.

Jaime C Mitchell on May 22, 2010 at 2:18 AM said...

Hubby and I definitely waited because we are Christians and wanted to honor God with our marriage and we have definitely never regretted it!

It's important to be vulnerable and talk about this because getting it out there tells other young ladies that you aren't the only ones waiting or who want to wait and its OK TO ABSTAIN!

Awesome post!

Blessings...

Meghan on May 22, 2010 at 8:50 AM said...

I admire you for being so open and honest, Lauren! Hopefully others can use your experiences to help them make the right decisions for themselves. Thanks for being such a integral part of TWD!

elledee on May 23, 2010 at 3:07 PM said...

love skinny cow! great post

Teenage Bride on May 25, 2010 at 1:57 PM said...

Hello, just found you blog and love love love it!!! I too share in your belief. I married my husband last January and sex is certainly one of the great advantages of marriage!!!


www.theteenagebride.blogspot.com

Rachel W. on May 25, 2010 at 8:02 PM said...

Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and giving your feedback on my jewelry! I really appreciate it!

I’m glad to have found your blog because it looks absolutely fabulous!!! I can’t wait to read more…I am defiantly becoming a follower! :-)

Together We Save on May 27, 2010 at 9:50 AM said...

Great post!!

Myya on June 4, 2010 at 12:56 AM said...

What a great post. Although I did not wait until marriage I so admire that you did. My husband & I have been together since I was 15 and although we didn't wait, he is my 1 & only. In today's world it is so refreshing to see people making good choices and not just going crazy just because they can.

shana on June 4, 2010 at 9:24 PM said...

It was really brave of you to share something that makes you feel so vulnerable. Good for you that you stuck with your beliefs and waited. I didn't wait until I was married, but I did wait until I was sure I was ready and until I was definitely in love. I was 21. I managed to make it through high school and college without making a stupid decision and falling into bed with some random guy at a party. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.

Carissa Mason on June 8, 2010 at 10:04 AM said...

Love this post!! And I, too love Skinny Cow ice cream. Thank goodness for people who think up things like that for us! Thanks for stopping by my blog, girl. I think your blog rocks and I love checking in on your every now and then to see how you are. I think the best thing about blogging is the people I have met. Hmmm...I feel a post coming on.

Le Chateau des fleurs on June 27, 2010 at 4:12 PM said...

You guys did the right thing! I applaud you. We did too and i am so glad. I expect my kids to do the same. God wants us to do it this way for a good reason...This is sacred stuff.
XO

Dita Maulani on June 27, 2010 at 7:58 PM said...

Sweet list! I think a thank you note for my boyfriend is sweet.

http://lanihandmade.bigcartel.com/

Aspiring Kennedy on June 30, 2010 at 2:27 PM said...

I appreciate you bringing this up. I really respect Christians who stick to this. I don't think people who do have sex before marriage are in ruined or doomed relationships- but, think that people who wait do get to enjoy something really special.

www.aspiringkennedy.com

Amy @ Varnish on July 7, 2010 at 6:48 PM said...

I literally thought my husband and I were the last people on earth who managed this little feat. Waiting was hard but worth it! Yea for for the virgins!

jules on July 28, 2010 at 6:51 PM said...

Ah, but the important thin is that you have the rest of your lives to perfect it! Love that!

yowana.synkracy on October 8, 2010 at 6:54 AM said...

So, I just found your blog, and i loved this post! VERY encouraging! 6 years? WOW! I'm single and abstaining although I'm not a virgin.. Thanx for being so honest - found your post when I needed it the most - it has re-inspired me to hang in there! Thank you :) xxx

 

The Wife Diaries Copyright © 2010 Designed by Ipietoon Blogger Template Sponsored by Online Shop Vector by Artshare