So not Martha....

Before I got married I wanted to be prepared.  I read elevendy billion marriage books, we did pre-marital counseling and I asked anyone and everyone I could think of just what marriage was like.

After we got married I realized that no matter how much you prepare you really won't know what marriage is like until you're in it.  

Craig and I dated for six years so I figured we wouldn't experience many surprises....but I was wrong.  I'm still learning new things about him daily.  

BUT....while I think that marriage is a "learn as you go" kind of thing, I wanted to share one thing that I (REALLY) wish someone would've told me before I got married.

You don't have to be perfect.  

You are NOT freaking Martha Stewart

and you don't have to be!

I had all these notions about what a wife is "supposed" to do and how she's supposed to act.  Craig and I had never lived together, so it was kind of like playing house at first.  I had no idea how to cook.  I know a lot of people say that, but I had literally burned water prior to saying my "I Do's".  BUT...for some crazy reason I thought that as soon as Craig carried me across the threshold of our new home I was supposed to instantly be Suzy Homemaker:  cooking (in an apron, heels and pearls no less!), cleaning, and organizing our busy social life. 

I decided (in what must have been a moment of pure insanity) that I was going to make a different meal every night.  This lasted for the first 3 months until I finally thought I was going to go homicidal on someone if I had to sauté another clove of garlic.  

I was literally coming home from work at 4:00 every day and I'd start cooking dinner, which usually took 2-3 hours (due to my inexperience) and after that I'd do dishes and clean any other parts of the house that had been neglected.  Our house was so clean you could literally eat off the floors and toilets.  Sounds great, but I was miserable and it made me into a total beyotch.  

I became really resentful toward Craig about all the "tasks" I had to do while he was sitting around relaxing.  Eventually Craig told me that I needed to chill the heck out and that he'd rather have a sink full of dishes and a happy wife to sit and watch TV with him.  

At first this was difficult because of my OCD tendencies, but now our house is much messier, but I am much happier.

Moral of the story:

You don't have to be the perfect housewife.

Your husband will love you anyway.

Did you learn any tough lessons when you first got married?

xo

{Lauren}

A Grateful Wife.

My name is Meghan, and I am the resident slacker wife.

(Hi, Meghan...)

In all seriousness, hello to all of our new readers and thanks for stopping by. It's been awhile since I've visited TWD, and there's a reason for that...

I am a mess. Between the end of the school year (I am a teacher), the mountains of papers to grade, internet troubles, planning several vacations and realizing that I am turning 30 next week - well, things have been a little hectic. And while this might be a little cheesy, I'd like to use this forum to thank my hubby for the fact that he hasn't committed me to the loony bin...yet. I think it's important to acknowledge the little things our loved ones do for us.

weheartit

So, hubster, thank you for:

* Buying me Skinny Cow ice cream and eating it with me while we watch "24" at a later hour since I didn't get home from work until 9:00.
* Making me a delicious, healthy, vegetarian meal each night AND cleaning up the kitchen because you know I had a long day.
* Getting rid of my old computer (she will be missed) and hooking me up with your Macbook. And being so patient as I adjust to the new intergalactic settings.
* Speaking of technology, thanks for always Photoshopping my nose in pictures. It makes a difference.
* Buying me flowers - just because.
* Buying me cupcakes - just because. Can you tell I am motivated by food?
* Letting me watch "Glee" and "Tori and Dean" even though you can't stand them.
* Getting up at 6:30 am on a Saturday with me to help me clean.
* Standing in the cold and wind for two hours, cheering me on in the half-marathon.
* Going on coffee dates with me each morning and helping me process the day ahead so I don't become overwhelmed.

I could go on and on and get all sappy and wish for rainbows and sparkles, but I'll leave it at that. Thanks for indulging me:) It's just so comforting that when life gets crazy, my hubby is right there to pick up the pieces and make me feel better.

Who are you grateful for these days? What little gestures do you appreciate?

The Dreaded Question

Last night, my best friend got married! YEAH! It was such a beautiful evening - a very personal wedding, filled with little touches of the bride and groom. You know it's a great wedding when the bride sings "Ice Ice Baby" in the middle of the dance floor and doesn't.miss.a.single.word. She's nutty, and that's why I love her:) Word to yo motha...

Speaking of "mothas", the wedding really had my head spinning - because now I am in the phase of my life (and now my bestie is joining me), where, instead of asking about wedding plans, the next logical question I am constantly asked by family and friends is:

"So when are you having kids?"

Ugh. Does / has anyone else experienced this? (Salt, just you wait...)

Please understand that these next few words are in no way, shape or form, meant to sound judgmental. It's just that I am very conflicted about children, and like anyone else, am simply trying to sort through my feelings.

My response usually consists of a giggle and a "Oh, we're not sure / We'll see / We just really want to enjoy married life for the time being..." when all I really want to say is: "Seriously?KIDS? Have you SEEN how some of them act in public? I teach high school for a living! Do you KNOW what some of them become? They swear! And drink! And hit each other. And let's not even discuss childbirth OR the first 16 years of their life, thankyouverymuch."

I am so totally, without a doubt, NOT ready for children. They scare the crap out of me, and to be quite honest, many of the people in my life with children rarely share the "good stories". I typically hear about how they can never go out, how hard it is to potty train, how much it sucks to lose the baby weight, etc. Don't get me wrong - I DO want children, but right now I am at the stage in my life where the negatives outweigh the positives. So until the pendulum shifts, I DO plan to enjoy this time with the hubby and travel, check out new restaurants and live it up in the city until we're ready to take that next step. And perhaps finally learn the words to Vanilla Ice while I still have the time.

(we heart it)

Do you want / have children? How did you know when you were ready?

I'm a WIFE!!!

I am proud to say that I can now post here in good conscience!

On February 27th at 3pm, the love of my life (cheesy I know, but trust me it's true!) and I said our 'i do's on a beautiful tropical island. It was a perfect day. Even if something had gone wrong, I probably wouldn't have noticed because I was too busy smiling until my face hurt.

We're back home and enjoying our second week of newlywedded bliss. Being married doesn't feel much different. We already cohabitated for the past year and a half so there is no getting used to a shared living space. Mostly, it seems like we are being extra special nice to each other. Like last night I ordered a delicious pasta dish when we were out for my birthday dinner and planned on eating the leftovers today, but when I got home from work they were gone. I'm assuming he ate them, but I'm not even mad about it. Instead I ordered Thai food and even got some for him, too, so he has something to eat when he gets home.

Now I'm totally picturing myself a year from now calling and yelling at him for eating my dinner if this happens again.

Anyway, I already made the trek to social security yesterday and officially changed my name...a process that took a whopping 10 MINUTES. Is that unheard of or what? I'm still getting used to calling him my husband and hearing myself referred to as a Mrs., but I'm sure it will feel like it was never any other way soon enough.

Until then, we're just settling back in! Our cats are enjoying having their mom and dad together in marriage at last and we are deciding our approach at the next big step...buying a house!

Thank you all so much for the sweet congrats in Krysten's post the other day!

Magic Spark

Through Formspring, Jenni from absent minded asked:

I know this is a dorky way to preface a question but it's the only way to describe it. A few nights ago on The Bachelor, Jake, was describing why he chose the woman he did by repeatedly saying they had the "magic spark." What is this magic spark?

My answer... I have no idea.

I remember the day I met Dustin. I walked into Perkins on my 3rd day of work and there was this tall, dark haired, dark eyed boy standing behind the counter. I introduced myself and I remember thing, "My my, he is cute!"

That night he made me feel at ease, joking around and pretty much goofing off when there weren't customers around. And I will say that I felt something there, but I would call it my initial attraction to him.

Sometimes I think that the "magic spark" is something that books and TV have made up to make everything seem more romantic. I hate to say that because I used to consider myself a total hopeless romantic. And while I still love a good love story, I feel like I have a more realistic look at love too.

Maybe the "magic spark" for Jake and Vienna was the fact that Jake wanted to get her into bed (and she seemed to make it so easy that night she wore that lingerie for him - who does that on a national dating show). Or maybe Dustin and I just took longer to get hit by cupid's arrow and we didn't experience that spark.

I'd love to hear what others have to say on the issue!

Congrats Salt!

Today

is a monumental day.

Why?

Because today Lauren (AKA Salt)
is officially a MARRIED WOMAN!

On behalf of us ladies here at
The Wife Diaries
I just want to sayNow
Raise your glass of
cyber bubbly high


And help me welcome
our newest wife!

Hard Times

So here's a question for all of you.

What has been the hardest time for you and your significant other?
How did you help each other get through it?

For Dustin and me, that time is right now. I don't have a job and we are having to do everything we can to make ends meet. It's not easy and it's been draining on us.

At this time last year we both had jobs - not the BEST jobs but we had them. We had money in savings and my checking account looked darn good. We were moving towards talking about buying a house and things looked relatively good.

Now we're having to borrow from savings and if an unexpected bill comes we scramble. It's hard and I hate it. I've been working so hard to try to find a job but no one seems to be hiring. I want to go back to school, and I'd qualify for financial aid, but I want to be working too.

Our vows didn't include "for richer or poorer" although I think they're implied. Now Dustin and I are really dealing with it. I never really thought very much about that until now.

It's really hard. And for the most part I've tried to remain optimistic. Sometimes I get sad but when I am Dustin is right there to pick me up again. And although this time right now has being incredibly trying for us I realize how lucky Dustin and I are to have each other.

Greetings!

Apparently, I am "tardy for the party", as one of my favorite "housewives" (Kim from the RH of Atlanta) might say, so here goes!

I'm the fourth, and tardy, wife Meghan. I was born and raised in Chicago (Chi-Town, represent!) and I was just recently married this past July to a handsomely quirky man, Michael. Meet Mikey:

Our "how we met" story is super long, and may or may not involve Snoop Dogg jokes, getting stranded in the rain, and a very intoxicated friend (Umm, hi, Christy) telling us we should date. But the long and short of it is this: we met at a wedding!!! We both stood up in a friend's wedding. It took several jokes and my vast musical knowledge to impress this cool cat, but it worked, and he asked me out. He made me dinner at his apartment on our first date, where I totally thought that he might be a serial killer and had a "back-up plan" in case he was (umm, hi again, Christy) - but don't let the beard deceive you. He's perfectly harmless:)

After 9 months of dating, we moved in together. Mike was my first super-serious relationship AND my first real roommate after college. I honestly never pictured myself "moving out" by "moving in" with my boyfriend - AND moving from the Chicago suburbs to the city itself. I definitely shocked myself, my parents AND my friends - but it all worked out in the end. We lived together for over three years before Mike proposed, and we were engaged for a year and a half before we were married.

Our wedding was off the chain, as my students say. It was big and bold, and I loved every second of it. We definitely prided ourselves on having a very "us" wedding. It was full of wonderfully quirky moments. For instance, you're probably wondering why I am posting a picture of our backs.

Well, it's because at this very instant, I am mouthing to my friends that MIKE FORGOT TO TURN OFF HIS BLACKBERRY DURING OUR WEDDING. He realized this about halfway through our mass. I was horrified at the time (and luckily no one called), but now I can look back on it and laugh. A little.

Or here. Only Mikey would say something incredibly inappropriate when the photographer tells you to "whisper sweet nothings" into your wife's ear.

Sigh. I love this man.

And I love YOU for following along with The Wife Diaries. Cheers to Krysten for this amazing idea, and the Laurens for joining the fun! I am really excited and honored to be a part of this new adventure, and I hope you'll find it to be helpful, humorous and heartfelt. And full of weird, quirky moments:)

Hiya!

Okay okay, I have been meaning to do an entry for awhile but between my crazy weekend and then getting sick I put it off.

But here I am! When I first came up with this idea I was uber excited about it. Plus a little proud of myself, hehe. I'm super excited to not only talk about all things marriage with some wonderful ladies but also to hopefully help out some readers too!

A little about my husband, Dustin, and me.

This is something that I don't normally say. Dustin was supposed to be a rebound guy. And I'm pretty sure I was supposed to be a rebound for him. We met in 2004 and I was trying everything I could to get over my ex. And Dustin and his current girlfriend were breaking up. We were friends. And more than that. Sometimes I found myself in his bed. I'm not entirely proud of admitting that.

What I will say is that although I was confused about a lot of things that year, one thing was certain: I did really like Dustin. Sometimes he drove me nuts but he also made me laugh, he listened to me and he was a friend.

What started as something that could have been a mistake for me ended up being the best mistake I ever made. Dustin and I have been together since 2005 - about four and a half years. And we've been married for about a year and a half.

Throughout all of our ups and down he has been the constant rock that has kept me going. And I'm so lucky to have that!

Anyone who knows Dustin and me knows that he is the laid back goofball that everyone knows and everyone likes. I am the more serious, emotional one that can either be your best friend or your worst enemy. Dustin brings out the silly side in me and I try my best to bring out Dustin's serious side - but it's sort of small.

ANYWAY! That is us! A little intro about the hubs and me and our little life together.

hello.

Hi.

My name is Lauren (H.).  I'm definitely not a marriage pro, but I'm excited to get some dialogue going on marriage over here and I'm so glad that Krysten decided to start this blog.  Such a good idea.  She's a genius, no?

So, before I get into anything, I thought I'd give you a brief run-down of my relationship with my husband Craig....how we got together, etc., etc....

We met in the 4th grade.  Didn't like each other.  At all.  Through forced time spent together with our families on snowboarding trips we started dating my senior year of high school.  We dated for five years and then got engaged.  Got married in December of 2006, so we just celebrated our 2 year anniversary.  If you've been doing the math on this that's about eight years that we've been together.

I'll also tell  you something that is very important to know in order for you to understand where I'm coming from when I talk about some of my early marriage experiences.....

Craig and I were virgins when we got married.  This is something I'm proud of.  Not something I'm pious about, and not something I generally broadcast to the masses, but since this blog is about marriage I thought it was appropriate.  We never lived together before getting married either.  It's just a choice we made and I'm glad we made it, but I will say it definitely made it very interesting (to say the least) when we finally did get married and lived together for the first time.  And let's just say that sex definitely brought in a whole new dynamic as well.

I experienced a lot of surprises when we first got married.  Living with someone 24/7 is apparently a whole new ball game....even if you've known them for six years.
As I thought about all of the ups and downs we experienced during the first year of marriage, I was curious to know:


*What were some of the "surprises" you encountered when you first got married?


*If you're not married are there any "surprises" you're worried about?


*Any questions you have about marriage, or any topics you think we should cover?


SO....this is just my little introduction, but I wanted to get the "blog rolling" so to speak.  Hope you guys join in on the marriage discussion!

xo

{Lauren}