Holiday Traditions

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Even though it's only September I can't help but be excited for the upcoming holidays, especially because this year we're doing something a little different.

These last two years have been a little sticky when it comes to family holidays.  My family has always gone to Illinois for Thanksgiving and Christmas because it's where my dad's sisters and mother lives and we always celebrate with them.  Dustin's dad, step mom and sister live here in Wisconsin.  So when we got married we knew we'd have to juggle holidays.  We decided the best thing to do would be to go with one family for Thanksgiving, one family for Christmas and then switch the next year.  This worked okay but I know I found myself missing my own family traditions A LOT.

For those of you that haven't ventured over to my other blog After 'I Do', my parents just bought a house in the town that Dustin and I live in.  They bought the house so that Dustin and I could rent part of it from them for CHEAP and so that they'd have a place to stay.  They're planning on moving from Wisconsin to Florida soon but they want a home to stay when they come back to the Midwest to visit for holidays and what not.  We're all moved in now and we just came to the realization that this could be a place to make new holiday memories.

So rather than schlepp to Illinois this year for Thanksgiving and half an hour away to Star Prairie, WI for Christmas we decided we'd like to have my parents, my brother and in-laws over here for a joint Thanksgiving.  Although I'll miss seeing my aunts and grandma I have to say I am incredibly excited to have both sides of our family brought together.

When you get married there are certain things you have to compromise on and for us one of the biggest compromises we made was the holidays.  Although we're finding that we can't keep all of our old traditions, it's fun to make new memories and establish new traditions that hopefully we'll celebrate for years to come.

Fighting Fair

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I will admit this. I am not a nice fighter. I'm not sure WHY. But I have a bad temper and when it's set off I EXPLODE. We're talking screaming, saying nasty things, being an all out bitch. It's not a pretty sight and I am the first to admit that it's probably not all that healthy either.

Any guy I've ever been with has probably had a good taste of my temper but my husband probably has had it the worst because he's been with me nearly 5 years (and counting). We have had some BAD fights. When my temper goes off I bring out the worst in Dustin. And so things just go from bad to worse.

One of my 101 in 1001 is to start fighting fair. The thing is, I have no idea how to do this! I always start off wanting to be calm and collected, to lay my cards on the table, do this "I feel ______ when you do/say _____." However, the minute my emotions get heightened I find myself losing all control! And before I know it I'm locked in the bedroom sobbing hysterically and probably making my neighbors wish they had a shotgun to put me (and them) out of my misery.

So my questions to those of you that DO fight fair is this:

• How do you do it?
• How do you keep your temper under control and have a fair, clean fight?
• What can I do to keep myself from screaming, stomping my feet and throwing a temper tantrum?

Because seriously, I need a new "plan of attack."

Formspring Responses: Krysten

Wow! I want to thank everyone for asking such awesome questions. Keep in mind that we wives are just going with our experiences but we're all trying our very best to give great answers.

Enjoy!


What would you do if you found out your husband had a made up online identity that he was using to flirt with other women and was getting off from this experience?
Well I will say that I've gone through something sort of similar to this. I won't say with who or when or any of that. I will say that this can be a heartbreaking situation to go through and it's hard on both parties in the couple. If you think the relationship is worth salvaging, then you need to talk with your husband, do therapy, get it all out and work towards making things better. And if not... well, life isn't always about making easy decisions.

How much would you charge for advertising/sponsors?
Well I know on my personal blog I don't currently charge when it comes to sponsors. That will eventually change. I'm hoping someone else has a better answer to this question, I'm just starting to navigate when it comes to sponsors!

Can people apply to be regulars on The Wife Diaries?
Right now I think we're trying to see where this blog will take us. I will say eventually it'll be fun to add more women. And, of course, if you really want feel free to leave us a message and tell us you're interested.

How long have each of you been married and what do each of your think is the ONE main key to a successful marriage??
I have been married just over a year and a half. And like Meghan before me said, I think the biggest thing is communication. Marriage takes WORK. And it takes a lot of it. It's hard to do that work if you're not communicating with each other.

I have not felt like 'makin' woopie' :) with my hub for a while now. We are both quite busy (though more he than I) and when it comes down to it I just don't feel like it. Am I the only one who feels like this? What have you done in a situation like this?
Oh man, I think we have ALL been here. Well, I know I have anyway. As unsexy as it sounds, sometimes you just need to schedule sex in. If I think about it and I think, "Yikes, it's been awhile!" I will say, "Okay, today I don't care how tired I am, how much I do not feel like shaving my legs, how I would SO much rather read my book, I am going to have sex." It happens. But I know once I'm in the middle of "makin' woopie" I'm thinking, "Man, I LOVE this!"

How do you handle when someone from your husband's past comes back around...even if it is just a "friend" that may have been a little more than a friend at one point? Do you allow it? Do you have a hissy fit and say no way!! or what??
I think it depends on who the person is. My husband is more of a guy's guy so I haven't found that I need to worry too much about this. But I've found that unless he gives you a reason not to trust him then you should trust him! Come on, he chose you after all!

What was your favorite thing about your wedding?
The ceremony. Particularly the LAUGHING during our ceremony. Oh my gosh, our ceremony was so darn sweet. I thought I would cry my eyes out through the whole thing. Instead I found myself giggling and smiling at Dustin and just feeling so darn happy and excited that I was marrying him. Ugh, there is no feeling like that. It was absolutely awesome.

What are your favorite weekend things to do with your hubby?
We are big movie marathon people. We'll cuddle up with junk food and movies and just veg and relax. It's so nice and we're both total movie fans. And when we're not being lazy couch potatoes, we enjoy going to baseball games (GO TWINS!), heading up to my parents' for the weekend or spending a weekend away in Duluth, MN.

Now that you're married, what's next?
Well I am in the process of just finding another job, which is HARD right now. Once we get that done, we still have plans on moving (it's sounding more and more like Florida). So I think that's the next big thing on our plate.

Are you and your hubs looking for the same thing in a house? or even with baby making? How do you resolve any differences?
I think we have the same outlook with most of those things. Dustin and I both come from the same kind of family so we know we want a good family house, we want a good living to provide for our kids, we'd like to have two kids (hopefully a boy and a girl with the boy being older) and we just want to be happy.

How did you get so many followers?
Seriously, I have no idea! But I'm so darn glad we have such great readers! You all rock!

Adios Wisconsin

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For those that read my personal blog, you know that Dustin and I are seriously considering moving to Tampa, FL in the fall.

The entire "let's move" talk started off as kind of a joke. D and I have lived in the Midwest our entire lives and you would think at this point we'd be used to snow and cold. Nope. I hate it and Dustin's getting there too. So last year we started saying, "We should just move." But in that not really serious kind of voice.

Except somehow this changed over the last year. And in the last few weeks we've been talking about really, seriously just picking up and moving.

How can we do this? Well, we don't own a home. We don't have kids. I'm not working right now and my classes are all going to be online. Dustin's job provides him with the opportunity to work from home from anywhere in the world (barring we'd have internet and a landline, that is). Yes, we have family and friends here but at this point in our lives we're kind of thinking, "Why not? We need an adventure!"

I've been researching apartments in Florida (how are they so much CHEAPER and NICER than anything that can be found here in River Falls, WI) and Dustin is working on finding out exactly how working from home would be. But it really sounds like we might just be doing this. For real.

The weird part is that part of me feels like I should be at least a little freaked out about this. But I'm NOT. Sure, I'm going to miss my friends and family. And the Mall of America. And the drive-in. Oh and AUTUMN. I'll miss that season. But not enough to keep me here right now.

Florida... here we come?

Magic Spark

Through Formspring, Jenni from absent minded asked:

I know this is a dorky way to preface a question but it's the only way to describe it. A few nights ago on The Bachelor, Jake, was describing why he chose the woman he did by repeatedly saying they had the "magic spark." What is this magic spark?

My answer... I have no idea.

I remember the day I met Dustin. I walked into Perkins on my 3rd day of work and there was this tall, dark haired, dark eyed boy standing behind the counter. I introduced myself and I remember thing, "My my, he is cute!"

That night he made me feel at ease, joking around and pretty much goofing off when there weren't customers around. And I will say that I felt something there, but I would call it my initial attraction to him.

Sometimes I think that the "magic spark" is something that books and TV have made up to make everything seem more romantic. I hate to say that because I used to consider myself a total hopeless romantic. And while I still love a good love story, I feel like I have a more realistic look at love too.

Maybe the "magic spark" for Jake and Vienna was the fact that Jake wanted to get her into bed (and she seemed to make it so easy that night she wore that lingerie for him - who does that on a national dating show). Or maybe Dustin and I just took longer to get hit by cupid's arrow and we didn't experience that spark.

I'd love to hear what others have to say on the issue!

Exes

So here's a question:

Are you friends with any of your exes?
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I ask this question relatively often because I'm a little baffled by MY situation.

I am friendly with a few of my exes, which basically means we're friends on Facebook and if I ran into them somewhere I'd probably stop and say hello. One includes my very first boyfriend who I just happened to stay in touch with over the years and another is the first guy I dated in college who broke up with me through email (and has since apologized).

However, I consider myself to be better friends with the guy I was with right before Dustin and I got together. I would call him my big heartbreak. He was also the one I lost my virginity to which I think made it harder for me to let go. In any case, when we finally split for good we stopped talking for months.

Then one day I decided I missed talking to him. I was already with Dustin at the time but Dustin has always trusted me and so I contacted this ex to say hello. At the time he was also dating someone and she and I ended up becoming friends. So much so that the four of us would hang out from time to time. Dustin and this ex get along relatively well and we all had fun together.

To this day I am still friends with this ex. He and I will get together from time to time for coffee or lunch and I know if I were in a bad situation and for whatever reason Dustin couldn't be there I could call this ex and he'd help me out. He's that kind of a person, part of the reason I wanted to stay friendly.

I will say this. I think that being friends with an ex can only happen in certain situations and I think it takes significant others that trust you. I'm lucky enough that Dustin knows me and knows that my friendship with my ex is nothing but a friendship.

In any case, I've always wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience and if they ever stop and think, "Wow, this is weird."

Hiya!

Okay okay, I have been meaning to do an entry for awhile but between my crazy weekend and then getting sick I put it off.

But here I am! When I first came up with this idea I was uber excited about it. Plus a little proud of myself, hehe. I'm super excited to not only talk about all things marriage with some wonderful ladies but also to hopefully help out some readers too!

A little about my husband, Dustin, and me.

This is something that I don't normally say. Dustin was supposed to be a rebound guy. And I'm pretty sure I was supposed to be a rebound for him. We met in 2004 and I was trying everything I could to get over my ex. And Dustin and his current girlfriend were breaking up. We were friends. And more than that. Sometimes I found myself in his bed. I'm not entirely proud of admitting that.

What I will say is that although I was confused about a lot of things that year, one thing was certain: I did really like Dustin. Sometimes he drove me nuts but he also made me laugh, he listened to me and he was a friend.

What started as something that could have been a mistake for me ended up being the best mistake I ever made. Dustin and I have been together since 2005 - about four and a half years. And we've been married for about a year and a half.

Throughout all of our ups and down he has been the constant rock that has kept me going. And I'm so lucky to have that!

Anyone who knows Dustin and me knows that he is the laid back goofball that everyone knows and everyone likes. I am the more serious, emotional one that can either be your best friend or your worst enemy. Dustin brings out the silly side in me and I try my best to bring out Dustin's serious side - but it's sort of small.

ANYWAY! That is us! A little intro about the hubs and me and our little life together.