So not Martha....

Before I got married I wanted to be prepared.  I read elevendy billion marriage books, we did pre-marital counseling and I asked anyone and everyone I could think of just what marriage was like.

After we got married I realized that no matter how much you prepare you really won't know what marriage is like until you're in it.  

Craig and I dated for six years so I figured we wouldn't experience many surprises....but I was wrong.  I'm still learning new things about him daily.  

BUT....while I think that marriage is a "learn as you go" kind of thing, I wanted to share one thing that I (REALLY) wish someone would've told me before I got married.

You don't have to be perfect.  

You are NOT freaking Martha Stewart

and you don't have to be!

I had all these notions about what a wife is "supposed" to do and how she's supposed to act.  Craig and I had never lived together, so it was kind of like playing house at first.  I had no idea how to cook.  I know a lot of people say that, but I had literally burned water prior to saying my "I Do's".  BUT...for some crazy reason I thought that as soon as Craig carried me across the threshold of our new home I was supposed to instantly be Suzy Homemaker:  cooking (in an apron, heels and pearls no less!), cleaning, and organizing our busy social life. 

I decided (in what must have been a moment of pure insanity) that I was going to make a different meal every night.  This lasted for the first 3 months until I finally thought I was going to go homicidal on someone if I had to sauté another clove of garlic.  

I was literally coming home from work at 4:00 every day and I'd start cooking dinner, which usually took 2-3 hours (due to my inexperience) and after that I'd do dishes and clean any other parts of the house that had been neglected.  Our house was so clean you could literally eat off the floors and toilets.  Sounds great, but I was miserable and it made me into a total beyotch.  

I became really resentful toward Craig about all the "tasks" I had to do while he was sitting around relaxing.  Eventually Craig told me that I needed to chill the heck out and that he'd rather have a sink full of dishes and a happy wife to sit and watch TV with him.  

At first this was difficult because of my OCD tendencies, but now our house is much messier, but I am much happier.

Moral of the story:

You don't have to be the perfect housewife.

Your husband will love you anyway.

Did you learn any tough lessons when you first got married?

xo

{Lauren}

Fighting Fair

{via}

I will admit this. I am not a nice fighter. I'm not sure WHY. But I have a bad temper and when it's set off I EXPLODE. We're talking screaming, saying nasty things, being an all out bitch. It's not a pretty sight and I am the first to admit that it's probably not all that healthy either.

Any guy I've ever been with has probably had a good taste of my temper but my husband probably has had it the worst because he's been with me nearly 5 years (and counting). We have had some BAD fights. When my temper goes off I bring out the worst in Dustin. And so things just go from bad to worse.

One of my 101 in 1001 is to start fighting fair. The thing is, I have no idea how to do this! I always start off wanting to be calm and collected, to lay my cards on the table, do this "I feel ______ when you do/say _____." However, the minute my emotions get heightened I find myself losing all control! And before I know it I'm locked in the bedroom sobbing hysterically and probably making my neighbors wish they had a shotgun to put me (and them) out of my misery.

So my questions to those of you that DO fight fair is this:

• How do you do it?
• How do you keep your temper under control and have a fair, clean fight?
• What can I do to keep myself from screaming, stomping my feet and throwing a temper tantrum?

Because seriously, I need a new "plan of attack."

A Grateful Wife.

My name is Meghan, and I am the resident slacker wife.

(Hi, Meghan...)

In all seriousness, hello to all of our new readers and thanks for stopping by. It's been awhile since I've visited TWD, and there's a reason for that...

I am a mess. Between the end of the school year (I am a teacher), the mountains of papers to grade, internet troubles, planning several vacations and realizing that I am turning 30 next week - well, things have been a little hectic. And while this might be a little cheesy, I'd like to use this forum to thank my hubby for the fact that he hasn't committed me to the loony bin...yet. I think it's important to acknowledge the little things our loved ones do for us.

weheartit

So, hubster, thank you for:

* Buying me Skinny Cow ice cream and eating it with me while we watch "24" at a later hour since I didn't get home from work until 9:00.
* Making me a delicious, healthy, vegetarian meal each night AND cleaning up the kitchen because you know I had a long day.
* Getting rid of my old computer (she will be missed) and hooking me up with your Macbook. And being so patient as I adjust to the new intergalactic settings.
* Speaking of technology, thanks for always Photoshopping my nose in pictures. It makes a difference.
* Buying me flowers - just because.
* Buying me cupcakes - just because. Can you tell I am motivated by food?
* Letting me watch "Glee" and "Tori and Dean" even though you can't stand them.
* Getting up at 6:30 am on a Saturday with me to help me clean.
* Standing in the cold and wind for two hours, cheering me on in the half-marathon.
* Going on coffee dates with me each morning and helping me process the day ahead so I don't become overwhelmed.

I could go on and on and get all sappy and wish for rainbows and sparkles, but I'll leave it at that. Thanks for indulging me:) It's just so comforting that when life gets crazy, my hubby is right there to pick up the pieces and make me feel better.

Who are you grateful for these days? What little gestures do you appreciate?

Abstinence.

I figured that title would catch your attention.  

Was I correct in my assumption?

The topic of abstinence on a blog called "The Wife Diaries" probably sounds a little odd, right?  Well, don't worry - Craig and I have sex - we are definitely NOT abstinent.  BUT.... we were until we got married.  I know this really isn't the norm anymore, so sometimes when people find this out, their response tends to be shock.  I'll tell you more about this in a minute, but the reason I am even talking about this was because I received a question via the formspring we have for this blog about the topic (feel free to ask any of us more questions here).  Here is the question:

To Lauren H--How did you and your husband decide to abstain until marriage? Was it hard? Do you regret it?

So....here's my answer....

The short answer is that Craig and I saved sex for marriage for "religious" reasons.  I actually hate the word religion because it sounds so sterile and unrelatable, but for lack of a better term, that's the reason.  I believe that God intended sex to be enjoyed within marriage.  I know that not everyone who reads this blog will share my faith or my opinions on this topic and I can completely understand that.  I do not judge others who have sex before marriage.  I can completely understand why people do and I don't blame them.  There were many times I considered doing the same.  So please don't feel judged as I write this, because I promise that is not my intent.

Craig and I started dating in high school.  Regardless of my moral stance on the subject of sex I was most definitely not ready for it in high school - I was a senior and Craig was a sophomore.  Also, I quite honestly didn't really think that far into the future and even though I knew it was a possibility, I never really thought that deciding to wait to have sex 'til I was married would mean waiting for six LONG years.  

A few years into dating it got really difficult.  I was out on my own and trying to figure out my faith for myself and I didn't really care to wait anymore.  Lucky for me I have a stubborn husband who sticks by his beliefs and wouldn't give in....even when I would get mad at him for it.  I'm not going to lie and say we were perfect because we weren't, but we did manage to save sex for our wedding night and on that day I thanked my husband for loving me enough to do what was best for me by waiting.  

I absolutely do not regret waiting to have sex until we were married.  Our wedding night was incredibly special and even though it obviously wasn't the perfect, it wasn't super awkward and painful like I thought and we were both in the same boat....figuring it out together with the rest of our lives to learn how to perfect it.

I'm not going to tell you that waiting doesn't have it's challenges, but knowing that Craig has been my only partner and I was his only is so nice.  I never have to worry about comparing to other girls and vice versa.  For us this was the right decision.

I feel super vulnerable putting this all out there, but my hope is that you guys will be understanding and know that I am just sharing my heart instead of pushing an agenda.  I really and truly do appreciate all of your questions and the thoughtful comments that all of you who read this blog leave.  

Don't forget, if you have any other questions, feel free to ask us using our formspring.  If it's a question for a specific wife, please specify that in your question.

Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

xo

{Lauren}