Are you friends with any of your exes?
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I ask this question relatively often because I'm a little baffled by MY situation.
I am friendly with a few of my exes, which basically means we're friends on Facebook and if I ran into them somewhere I'd probably stop and say hello. One includes my very first boyfriend who I just happened to stay in touch with over the years and another is the first guy I dated in college who broke up with me through email (and has since apologized).
However, I consider myself to be better friends with the guy I was with right before Dustin and I got together. I would call him my big heartbreak. He was also the one I lost my virginity to which I think made it harder for me to let go. In any case, when we finally split for good we stopped talking for months.
Then one day I decided I missed talking to him. I was already with Dustin at the time but Dustin has always trusted me and so I contacted this ex to say hello. At the time he was also dating someone and she and I ended up becoming friends. So much so that the four of us would hang out from time to time. Dustin and this ex get along relatively well and we all had fun together.
To this day I am still friends with this ex. He and I will get together from time to time for coffee or lunch and I know if I were in a bad situation and for whatever reason Dustin couldn't be there I could call this ex and he'd help me out. He's that kind of a person, part of the reason I wanted to stay friendly.
I will say this. I think that being friends with an ex can only happen in certain situations and I think it takes significant others that trust you. I'm lucky enough that Dustin knows me and knows that my friendship with my ex is nothing but a friendship.
In any case, I've always wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience and if they ever stop and think, "Wow, this is weird."
{via}I ask this question relatively often because I'm a little baffled by MY situation.
I am friendly with a few of my exes, which basically means we're friends on Facebook and if I ran into them somewhere I'd probably stop and say hello. One includes my very first boyfriend who I just happened to stay in touch with over the years and another is the first guy I dated in college who broke up with me through email (and has since apologized).
However, I consider myself to be better friends with the guy I was with right before Dustin and I got together. I would call him my big heartbreak. He was also the one I lost my virginity to which I think made it harder for me to let go. In any case, when we finally split for good we stopped talking for months.
Then one day I decided I missed talking to him. I was already with Dustin at the time but Dustin has always trusted me and so I contacted this ex to say hello. At the time he was also dating someone and she and I ended up becoming friends. So much so that the four of us would hang out from time to time. Dustin and this ex get along relatively well and we all had fun together.
To this day I am still friends with this ex. He and I will get together from time to time for coffee or lunch and I know if I were in a bad situation and for whatever reason Dustin couldn't be there I could call this ex and he'd help me out. He's that kind of a person, part of the reason I wanted to stay friendly.
I will say this. I think that being friends with an ex can only happen in certain situations and I think it takes significant others that trust you. I'm lucky enough that Dustin knows me and knows that my friendship with my ex is nothing but a friendship.
In any case, I've always wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience and if they ever stop and think, "Wow, this is weird."
12 comments:
Oooh, I like this subject. I have remained incredible friends with one, and only one.
We were born months apart and threw dirt at each other in the sandbox. I used to point and laugh at him when he walked his pet duck on a leash (yes, a real one). I really didn't like him as a kid. Then my family moved overseas and I didn't see him again until we were teenagers and I went to Europe on a 3 month exchange. He made my heart stop. I was heartbroken when it was time to get back on the plane.
We kept in touch over the years and became great friends. I saw him for the first time again this summer when my boyfriend and I traveled to Europe on a vacay. They both got along great :)
I am friends with a few exes - but mostly on Facebook, as you described. I had lunch with one of them once, and it was super awkward. My hubby (when he was my boyfriend) was fine with it, but it made me realize how self-centered he still is! Ha.
I'm friends, or at least on a friendly basis (similar to the Facebook situation you described) with all but one of my exes. Two my exes (my high school sweetheart and my college boyfriend) will be attending our wedding. My high school sweetheart has been one of my closest friends for over 10 years now. I think if the right circumstances are there - there are absolutely no residual feelings present on either side, there's no negativity looming between you, you have significant others who understand the situation and trust you, there's an open line of communication - I think it can work and you can maintain a friendship with an ex. I don't think there's really a cookie cutter, cut-and-dry answer to that though.
I really think friendship with exes depends on each individual situation. I am friends with two exes on Facebook. The first one was my high school boyfriend, and he's not a pastor. We reconnected after many years, and it's fun to catch up. The second one is an ex-fiance. We parted on pretty good terms, we had a lot of good history together, and we really are better as friends.
There's another ex that I would never ever consider being friends with. I have him blocked on Facebook. He was an emotionally abusive jerk, and being friends with him would add nothing good to my life.
i actually am. the ones that i want to be friends with. there are a few who are crazy. but yes! i love still being at least cordial to the people who i loved!
I am surprised at how many I actually am still friends with (Facebook friends). I have gotten together with a couple of them for lunch in the past & if we ever bumpted into each other on the street, I would almost assure you it would lead to a weekend double date or something. There is ONE that I hope to NEVER see again, but as for the rest - I welcome it.
I am on fairly good terms with a few ex's. I've always said the only way 2 people that used to date can be good friends is if neither is interested in the possibility of rekindling the flame.
One of my ex's and I remained friends because we ran with the same group of people before dating. (Oddly it took us over 2 years of being friends with mutual people before actually meeting). After the split (we made up and broke up a lot for 2 years) we were still hanging with our friends. If I saw him tomorrow I'd hug him hello and chat for hours. My current boyfriend has met him, trusts me and doesn't feel threatened which is great. I don't see this ex often but I always wish him well. We were just two people at very different places in our lives and I realized he wasn't the one for me. When I say that it's hard to be friends with someone you still may have feelings for it's because with this guy it was an issue. We were hot and cold dating and hot and cold as friends. When we were both single, we would hang out a lot - almost like a crutch for each other. I knew it was over when it never went past that (meaning: asked on a date, or something other than social hang out with friends etc).
That's not to say there are a few ex's I wish I would never run into again. ;) But there's no need to talk ugly.
I am very surprised and glad to hear everyone's responses. My fiance is my highschool sweetheart. We had a year break-up my Freshmen year of college where we both dated separate people. These partners of ours are our only 'exes' that we count anyway, and although we both trust each other we would never want either of us to be friends. I guess we are just too jelous people!
I have definitely felt magic spark before. Definitely.
When I met the hubs it was like WHOA! I had a boyfriend whom I'd been with almost a decade, promptly left him and the hubs and I were hitched less than two years later!
boy how i'd like to have a little magic spark in my life right about now! whee! that is when things get exciting and spicy and fUN!
Am I the lone woman who doesn't get along with her exes? lol. I'm on good terms with one (out of two), but I'm not friends with them on FB or MS. It's just tmi. Of course everyone on here seems to have met "the one" so maybe that makes things different.
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