Holiday Traditions

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Even though it's only September I can't help but be excited for the upcoming holidays, especially because this year we're doing something a little different.

These last two years have been a little sticky when it comes to family holidays.  My family has always gone to Illinois for Thanksgiving and Christmas because it's where my dad's sisters and mother lives and we always celebrate with them.  Dustin's dad, step mom and sister live here in Wisconsin.  So when we got married we knew we'd have to juggle holidays.  We decided the best thing to do would be to go with one family for Thanksgiving, one family for Christmas and then switch the next year.  This worked okay but I know I found myself missing my own family traditions A LOT.

For those of you that haven't ventured over to my other blog After 'I Do', my parents just bought a house in the town that Dustin and I live in.  They bought the house so that Dustin and I could rent part of it from them for CHEAP and so that they'd have a place to stay.  They're planning on moving from Wisconsin to Florida soon but they want a home to stay when they come back to the Midwest to visit for holidays and what not.  We're all moved in now and we just came to the realization that this could be a place to make new holiday memories.

So rather than schlepp to Illinois this year for Thanksgiving and half an hour away to Star Prairie, WI for Christmas we decided we'd like to have my parents, my brother and in-laws over here for a joint Thanksgiving.  Although I'll miss seeing my aunts and grandma I have to say I am incredibly excited to have both sides of our family brought together.

When you get married there are certain things you have to compromise on and for us one of the biggest compromises we made was the holidays.  Although we're finding that we can't keep all of our old traditions, it's fun to make new memories and establish new traditions that hopefully we'll celebrate for years to come.

So not Martha....

Before I got married I wanted to be prepared.  I read elevendy billion marriage books, we did pre-marital counseling and I asked anyone and everyone I could think of just what marriage was like.

After we got married I realized that no matter how much you prepare you really won't know what marriage is like until you're in it.  

Craig and I dated for six years so I figured we wouldn't experience many surprises....but I was wrong.  I'm still learning new things about him daily.  

BUT....while I think that marriage is a "learn as you go" kind of thing, I wanted to share one thing that I (REALLY) wish someone would've told me before I got married.

You don't have to be perfect.  

You are NOT freaking Martha Stewart

and you don't have to be!

I had all these notions about what a wife is "supposed" to do and how she's supposed to act.  Craig and I had never lived together, so it was kind of like playing house at first.  I had no idea how to cook.  I know a lot of people say that, but I had literally burned water prior to saying my "I Do's".  BUT...for some crazy reason I thought that as soon as Craig carried me across the threshold of our new home I was supposed to instantly be Suzy Homemaker:  cooking (in an apron, heels and pearls no less!), cleaning, and organizing our busy social life. 

I decided (in what must have been a moment of pure insanity) that I was going to make a different meal every night.  This lasted for the first 3 months until I finally thought I was going to go homicidal on someone if I had to sauté another clove of garlic.  

I was literally coming home from work at 4:00 every day and I'd start cooking dinner, which usually took 2-3 hours (due to my inexperience) and after that I'd do dishes and clean any other parts of the house that had been neglected.  Our house was so clean you could literally eat off the floors and toilets.  Sounds great, but I was miserable and it made me into a total beyotch.  

I became really resentful toward Craig about all the "tasks" I had to do while he was sitting around relaxing.  Eventually Craig told me that I needed to chill the heck out and that he'd rather have a sink full of dishes and a happy wife to sit and watch TV with him.  

At first this was difficult because of my OCD tendencies, but now our house is much messier, but I am much happier.

Moral of the story:

You don't have to be the perfect housewife.

Your husband will love you anyway.

Did you learn any tough lessons when you first got married?

xo

{Lauren}

Fighting Fair

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I will admit this. I am not a nice fighter. I'm not sure WHY. But I have a bad temper and when it's set off I EXPLODE. We're talking screaming, saying nasty things, being an all out bitch. It's not a pretty sight and I am the first to admit that it's probably not all that healthy either.

Any guy I've ever been with has probably had a good taste of my temper but my husband probably has had it the worst because he's been with me nearly 5 years (and counting). We have had some BAD fights. When my temper goes off I bring out the worst in Dustin. And so things just go from bad to worse.

One of my 101 in 1001 is to start fighting fair. The thing is, I have no idea how to do this! I always start off wanting to be calm and collected, to lay my cards on the table, do this "I feel ______ when you do/say _____." However, the minute my emotions get heightened I find myself losing all control! And before I know it I'm locked in the bedroom sobbing hysterically and probably making my neighbors wish they had a shotgun to put me (and them) out of my misery.

So my questions to those of you that DO fight fair is this:

• How do you do it?
• How do you keep your temper under control and have a fair, clean fight?
• What can I do to keep myself from screaming, stomping my feet and throwing a temper tantrum?

Because seriously, I need a new "plan of attack."

A Grateful Wife.

My name is Meghan, and I am the resident slacker wife.

(Hi, Meghan...)

In all seriousness, hello to all of our new readers and thanks for stopping by. It's been awhile since I've visited TWD, and there's a reason for that...

I am a mess. Between the end of the school year (I am a teacher), the mountains of papers to grade, internet troubles, planning several vacations and realizing that I am turning 30 next week - well, things have been a little hectic. And while this might be a little cheesy, I'd like to use this forum to thank my hubby for the fact that he hasn't committed me to the loony bin...yet. I think it's important to acknowledge the little things our loved ones do for us.

weheartit

So, hubster, thank you for:

* Buying me Skinny Cow ice cream and eating it with me while we watch "24" at a later hour since I didn't get home from work until 9:00.
* Making me a delicious, healthy, vegetarian meal each night AND cleaning up the kitchen because you know I had a long day.
* Getting rid of my old computer (she will be missed) and hooking me up with your Macbook. And being so patient as I adjust to the new intergalactic settings.
* Speaking of technology, thanks for always Photoshopping my nose in pictures. It makes a difference.
* Buying me flowers - just because.
* Buying me cupcakes - just because. Can you tell I am motivated by food?
* Letting me watch "Glee" and "Tori and Dean" even though you can't stand them.
* Getting up at 6:30 am on a Saturday with me to help me clean.
* Standing in the cold and wind for two hours, cheering me on in the half-marathon.
* Going on coffee dates with me each morning and helping me process the day ahead so I don't become overwhelmed.

I could go on and on and get all sappy and wish for rainbows and sparkles, but I'll leave it at that. Thanks for indulging me:) It's just so comforting that when life gets crazy, my hubby is right there to pick up the pieces and make me feel better.

Who are you grateful for these days? What little gestures do you appreciate?

Abstinence.

I figured that title would catch your attention.  

Was I correct in my assumption?

The topic of abstinence on a blog called "The Wife Diaries" probably sounds a little odd, right?  Well, don't worry - Craig and I have sex - we are definitely NOT abstinent.  BUT.... we were until we got married.  I know this really isn't the norm anymore, so sometimes when people find this out, their response tends to be shock.  I'll tell you more about this in a minute, but the reason I am even talking about this was because I received a question via the formspring we have for this blog about the topic (feel free to ask any of us more questions here).  Here is the question:

To Lauren H--How did you and your husband decide to abstain until marriage? Was it hard? Do you regret it?

So....here's my answer....

The short answer is that Craig and I saved sex for marriage for "religious" reasons.  I actually hate the word religion because it sounds so sterile and unrelatable, but for lack of a better term, that's the reason.  I believe that God intended sex to be enjoyed within marriage.  I know that not everyone who reads this blog will share my faith or my opinions on this topic and I can completely understand that.  I do not judge others who have sex before marriage.  I can completely understand why people do and I don't blame them.  There were many times I considered doing the same.  So please don't feel judged as I write this, because I promise that is not my intent.

Craig and I started dating in high school.  Regardless of my moral stance on the subject of sex I was most definitely not ready for it in high school - I was a senior and Craig was a sophomore.  Also, I quite honestly didn't really think that far into the future and even though I knew it was a possibility, I never really thought that deciding to wait to have sex 'til I was married would mean waiting for six LONG years.  

A few years into dating it got really difficult.  I was out on my own and trying to figure out my faith for myself and I didn't really care to wait anymore.  Lucky for me I have a stubborn husband who sticks by his beliefs and wouldn't give in....even when I would get mad at him for it.  I'm not going to lie and say we were perfect because we weren't, but we did manage to save sex for our wedding night and on that day I thanked my husband for loving me enough to do what was best for me by waiting.  

I absolutely do not regret waiting to have sex until we were married.  Our wedding night was incredibly special and even though it obviously wasn't the perfect, it wasn't super awkward and painful like I thought and we were both in the same boat....figuring it out together with the rest of our lives to learn how to perfect it.

I'm not going to tell you that waiting doesn't have it's challenges, but knowing that Craig has been my only partner and I was his only is so nice.  I never have to worry about comparing to other girls and vice versa.  For us this was the right decision.

I feel super vulnerable putting this all out there, but my hope is that you guys will be understanding and know that I am just sharing my heart instead of pushing an agenda.  I really and truly do appreciate all of your questions and the thoughtful comments that all of you who read this blog leave.  

Don't forget, if you have any other questions, feel free to ask us using our formspring.  If it's a question for a specific wife, please specify that in your question.

Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

xo

{Lauren}        

Formspring Responses: Lauren H

Pretty sure I'm the biggest, most slacker-y wife ever.  I'm definitely the last one to write up my answers to these formspring questions that readers asked.  Sorry for my lack of posts - I really need to get better about this.  


I think my problem is that I feel like I need a bit of direction, so maybe if you guys have any suggestions for future posts you'd like me to write about just leave your two cents in the comments.  I aim to please :).  So....here are my responses....




What would you do if you found out your husband had a made up online identity that he was using to flirt with other women and was getting off from this experience?


This is a good question. Something that Craig and I talked about early on (back when we were engaged) was about how to "affair proof" our marriage.  We both agreed that affairs are bred through secrecy - a large part of the appeal that affairs have is the thrill of having a secret.  We decided that we will always be open and honest with each other even when that's difficult.  For example - when we first got married Craig was still in school.  I remember one day he told me that there was a girl in one of his classes who had been flirting with him and he was really enjoying the attention.  He said he was planning to sit somewhere else in class away from this girl from then on and he just wanted to tell me so that I could keep him accountable and make sure to ask him about it.  To be honest it sort of hurt my feelings for a second, but then I was so thankful that he was able to be that honest with me.  It may seem like just a little thing, but I feel like all the little things can build in to big things so little things matter.  If this situation ever happened to me I would sit down and talk to Craig to find out the root of why he was seeking out other women to flirt with online.  We would talk it out and I would let him know that this isn't something I'm ok with.  I would try to figure out if there was anything I could do to help him stop doing this, and consider putting blocks on our computer if I felt like that were necessary.  I think communication is key in all situations, but especially in a situation like this.

How much would you charge for advertising/sponsors?


I have sponsors on my personal blog, so if you'd like more information about rates and the like feel free to e-mail me. 

Can people apply to be regulars on The Wife Diaries?


I'm not the boss over here, but I agree with Krysten and all the other wives....we're still figuring things out, so it's probably best not to have "too many cooks (or wives!) in the kitchen" for now, but if you're interested in contributing to this blog shoot Krysten an e-mail!

How long have each of you been married and what do each of your think is the ONE main key to a successful marriage??


I've been married for almost two and a half years (our anniversary is December 9th).  I think the main key to having a successful marriage is selflessness.  I think the root of many marital conflicts is selfishness.  I think it's so important to constantly be trying to serve one another within marriage.  I don't mean waiting on your spouse on hand and foot - I mean finding ways to love them and support and encourage them without waiting for them to do nice things for you first.  If both partners are constantly trying to put aside their own selfishness in order to do what's best for the other person then both partners are going to be happy.


I have not felt like 'makin' woopie' :) with my hub for a while now. We are both quite busy (though more he than I) and when it comes down to it I just don't feel like it. Am I the only one who feels like this? What have you done in a situation like this?


So, I've had conversations about this with friends before and I think I'm the only wife I know who has an opposite situation.  I'm the one who usually wants to do it more often but the hubs really values his sleep (he works 50 hours a week at an incredibly labor intensive job), so sometimes I get turned down.  I'm ok with this because I realize we do need sleep to function, but since I seem to be experiencing the point-of-view that a lot of husbands encounter (a partner who "doesn't feel like it"), let me share my thoughts.  Ladies:  you need to make sex a priority.  I understand that sometimes you may be tired and that's completely understandable, but it doesn't feel awesome to be on the getting turned down end of things.  I know that for me it sometimes makes me feel like there's something wrong with me or like I'm not attractive enough - even though the hubs probably is just genuinely tired.  It's a vulnerable place to put yourself out there for your partner sexually and then get an "i'm too tired" response.  Maybe you could sit down and talk with your husband about your sexual expectations and come to some type of agreement about what is a reasonable frequency - something that's not too often for you, but often enough for him.  It's important for both partners to realize that they may both have different needs and it's important to meet in the middle.

How do you handle when someone from your husband's past comes back around...even if it is just a "friend" that may have been a little more than a friend at one point? Do you allow it? Do you have a hissy fit and say no way!! or what??


Not quite sure what this question is asking in regards to a friend "coming around".  I'm assuming, talking or hanging out and if that's the case, I wouldn't be ok with it.  Craig and I have agreed that for us it's not healthy to spend one-on-one time with friends of the opposite sex (most of our friends are couples anyway so we all hang out together).  Part of the reason is because friends confide in one another and I don't feel like it's healthy to be confiding in someone of the opposite sex about your marital issues.  I don't judge other people who don't share my view on this, but I know myself and I know it wouldn't be good.  If Craig was talking to an old "friend" I wouldn't have a hissy fit, but I would let him know I was uncomfortable with it and ask him to stop.  

What was your favorite thing about your wedding?


I had so many favorite things, but here are two:  1.  It snowed on my wedding day and it rarely snows in Portland.  2.  Love vallium.  My wedding day felt like being on love vallium.  I was just so ridiculously happy and grinning like and idiot and none of the mini-fiascos that occurred could possibly ruin it.

What are your favorite weekend things to do with your hubby?


We like to watch TV and movies together and just hang out at home with our pup.  We love being home.  Also, going out to dinner and eating delicious food :).


Now that you're married, what's next?


We've got a dog.  And a house.  So I guess babies?  I don't know.  We don't really have a "plan", but I suppose it's on the radar.


Are you and your hubs looking for the same thing in a house? or even with baby making? How do you resolve any differences?


We already have a house, but when we sell one day and look for a new house we'll be on the same page though I'm sure.  As for baby making we don't really have a "page" (so to speak) to be on yet, so I guess we'll decide then.  We've both decided we don't want to "try" to have babies though when the time comes, but rather stop trying to not have babies.  As for resolving differences, we just try to talk things out and find a compromise. 

How did you get so many followers?


I think maybe because people just want a forum to talk about marriage.  Marriage is one of those things that people aren't always very "real" about so everyone thinks that everyone else has perfect marriages even though we don't.  It's important to talk about things and learn how to keep making our marriages better and keep working out the kinks.




If you guys have any other personal questions that you don't want answered on the blog or just specific questions for me, feel free to e-mail me at:

loveoflittlethings@gmail.com

Hope you're having a lovely weekend!

Formspring Responses: Lauren E

I'm still getting used to writing "Lauren E" and not "Lauren T"!

The other wives and I got so many great questions from people (thanks for participating!), so we decided it would be fun for each of us to answer them individually. Hopefully this is what you had in mind. If not...too bad. We're doing it anyway. xoxo

What would you do if you found out your husband had a made up online identity that he was using to flirt with other women and was getting off from this experience?

Well first of all, this would never happen because he is not very good at the internet.

But in the event that he somehow figured out how to do something like this, I would say that it would depend on how serious it got. Obviously the first questions would be whether or not he still actually wanted to be married to me if he was having so much fun getting his rocks off as an internet creepo and whether or not I wanted to forgive him for it.

If we both decided we wanted to work things out, at the very least there would be counseling. And I might have to take time away from him to clear my head. Then we would just have to go from there and either we could resolve it or not. The main thing is that I would definitely NOT turn a blind eye to something like that. It's serious biz.

How much would you charge for advertising/sponsors?

One meeeeeeellion dollars?

I don't know. I have no experience with either either (sorry, gals!). I do know that I don't particularly love the idea of having advertising on my personal blog. Just a preference.

Can people apply to be regulars on The Wife Diaries?

I'm going to go ahead and agree with K & M. We are still trying to figure out where this thing is going to go, but I think it might be fun to have someone guest post maybe from time to time. What do ya'll think?

How long have each of you been married and what do each of your think is the ONE main key to a successful marriage??

I have been married for almost exactly two months. :) And I think the key to our successful marriage so far has been our king sized bed. I'm not even kidding. I can't stand when people touch me when I sleep, so no-touchy while I sleep = happy Lauren 99% of the time.

I have not felt like 'makin' woopie' :) with my hub for a while now. We are both quite busy (though more he than I) and when it comes down to it I just don't feel like it. Am I the only one who feels like this? What have you done in a situation like this?

You are preachin' to the choir, lady. Hubs and I have a completely opposite work schedule most of the time. So we fit it in (no pun intended) whenever we can, but sometimes even when we do have the time, I don't really feel like it. There's something kind of not-sexy about having to schedule it in, you know?

Luckily, he is of the same mindset, so we just do it when we can and try not to worry about it. Our sex life is great when it's on, but it's obviously not the only reason we're together.

How do you handle when someone from your husband's past comes back around...even if it is just a "friend" that may have been a little more than a friend at one point? Do you allow it? Do you have a hissy fit and say no way!! or what??

Oh this is a fun one! Here's the thing about hubs and I... we have been part of the same group of friends since high school! So really, there are only very few people that he has dated that I DON'T know and I am friends with a couple of his exes (and likewise, I dated one of his best friends like a decade ago!). So yeah, if one of these girls wants to hang out with him, then cool, but most likely she would want me to come along also because we all know each other.

What was your favorite thing about your wedding?

The fact that it was in Turks & Caicos! Doing a destination wedding was the best decision we could have ever made. It was like a dream. I was just sitting at my desk earlier looking outside and wishing I was back there.

Oh and the fact that I got to marry the guy of my dreams is a favorite thing of mine also. :)

What are your favorite weekend things to do with your hubby?

At the risk of sounding totally dumb, we love to go shopping at Target. Both of us LOVE Target. We are in there for like hours when we go. We also have a couple of fun local bars that we frequent, we hang out with family, or stay home and watch movies. I can really have fun with him doing whatever.

Now that you're married, what's next?

We're buying a house! We just started looking and it is so exciting and overwhelming all at the same time. Hopefully the process won't be too painful because I'm way over apartment living at this point.

Are you and your hubs looking for the same thing in a house? or even with baby making? How do you resolve any differences?

I swear I didn't see this question before I just answered the last one. Yes we are looking for the same thing in a house, which definitely makes it easier. We are also on the same page with the baby thing. Really I consider myself to be very lucky because we are so similar in our goals for this marriage.

In the event that we do have a disagreement though (because everyone is going to at some point), our typical style is to take a few minutes apart until everyone is calm and then we can talk things out rationally. Works every time.

How did you get so many followers?

I like to think it is because of our sparkling wit and wisdom, but really who knows? It's very cool to know that people like the idea of The Wife Diaries though. I need to stop being such a Slacker Wife and update more often!

Formspring Responses: Krysten

Wow! I want to thank everyone for asking such awesome questions. Keep in mind that we wives are just going with our experiences but we're all trying our very best to give great answers.

Enjoy!


What would you do if you found out your husband had a made up online identity that he was using to flirt with other women and was getting off from this experience?
Well I will say that I've gone through something sort of similar to this. I won't say with who or when or any of that. I will say that this can be a heartbreaking situation to go through and it's hard on both parties in the couple. If you think the relationship is worth salvaging, then you need to talk with your husband, do therapy, get it all out and work towards making things better. And if not... well, life isn't always about making easy decisions.

How much would you charge for advertising/sponsors?
Well I know on my personal blog I don't currently charge when it comes to sponsors. That will eventually change. I'm hoping someone else has a better answer to this question, I'm just starting to navigate when it comes to sponsors!

Can people apply to be regulars on The Wife Diaries?
Right now I think we're trying to see where this blog will take us. I will say eventually it'll be fun to add more women. And, of course, if you really want feel free to leave us a message and tell us you're interested.

How long have each of you been married and what do each of your think is the ONE main key to a successful marriage??
I have been married just over a year and a half. And like Meghan before me said, I think the biggest thing is communication. Marriage takes WORK. And it takes a lot of it. It's hard to do that work if you're not communicating with each other.

I have not felt like 'makin' woopie' :) with my hub for a while now. We are both quite busy (though more he than I) and when it comes down to it I just don't feel like it. Am I the only one who feels like this? What have you done in a situation like this?
Oh man, I think we have ALL been here. Well, I know I have anyway. As unsexy as it sounds, sometimes you just need to schedule sex in. If I think about it and I think, "Yikes, it's been awhile!" I will say, "Okay, today I don't care how tired I am, how much I do not feel like shaving my legs, how I would SO much rather read my book, I am going to have sex." It happens. But I know once I'm in the middle of "makin' woopie" I'm thinking, "Man, I LOVE this!"

How do you handle when someone from your husband's past comes back around...even if it is just a "friend" that may have been a little more than a friend at one point? Do you allow it? Do you have a hissy fit and say no way!! or what??
I think it depends on who the person is. My husband is more of a guy's guy so I haven't found that I need to worry too much about this. But I've found that unless he gives you a reason not to trust him then you should trust him! Come on, he chose you after all!

What was your favorite thing about your wedding?
The ceremony. Particularly the LAUGHING during our ceremony. Oh my gosh, our ceremony was so darn sweet. I thought I would cry my eyes out through the whole thing. Instead I found myself giggling and smiling at Dustin and just feeling so darn happy and excited that I was marrying him. Ugh, there is no feeling like that. It was absolutely awesome.

What are your favorite weekend things to do with your hubby?
We are big movie marathon people. We'll cuddle up with junk food and movies and just veg and relax. It's so nice and we're both total movie fans. And when we're not being lazy couch potatoes, we enjoy going to baseball games (GO TWINS!), heading up to my parents' for the weekend or spending a weekend away in Duluth, MN.

Now that you're married, what's next?
Well I am in the process of just finding another job, which is HARD right now. Once we get that done, we still have plans on moving (it's sounding more and more like Florida). So I think that's the next big thing on our plate.

Are you and your hubs looking for the same thing in a house? or even with baby making? How do you resolve any differences?
I think we have the same outlook with most of those things. Dustin and I both come from the same kind of family so we know we want a good family house, we want a good living to provide for our kids, we'd like to have two kids (hopefully a boy and a girl with the boy being older) and we just want to be happy.

How did you get so many followers?
Seriously, I have no idea! But I'm so darn glad we have such great readers! You all rock!

Formspring Responses: Meghan

The lovely Krysten passed along your Formspring questions. Thanks for playing along, ladies! And hello to all of our new and lovely followers! I wish we could send you all presents filled with love and rainbows and sparkles.

Anyway, we thought it might be interesting to each take a stab at your questions, so here are my responses. Keep in mind that I am certainly no expert, and these are all merely my humble little opinions!

What would you do if you found out your husband had a made up online identity that he was using to flirt with other women and was getting off from this experience?

Umm, wow. I don't know how I'd respond! Chop off his cajones? Cry? Counseling? While there are a lot of factors here - the fact that he had to create an identity to fulfill a need indicates, in my opinion, a lack of self-esteem on his part. I hate when I hear about situations like this, because the wife/girlfriend is always left feeling inadequate or feels like they are to blame - when really, it's all about the men and their own issues.

How much would you charge for advertising/sponsors?

Of all the wives, I am the least qualified to answer this question. I don't even have sponsors on my personal blog, so I will divert this to Krysten and the Lauren's!

Can people apply to be regulars on The Wife Diaries?

Another great question! I think we're all still trying to figure out the direction we want TWD to take, and this is a fantastic idea to consider!

How long have each of you been married and what do each of your think is the ONE main key to a successful marriage??

I have been married for 9 months now, but I have lived with my husband for almost 4 years. If I had to choose one key ingredient to a successful marriage - it's to TALK! Whenever I am feeling stressed or frustrated, the best thing I can do is talk it out with my husband. He helps me see things from a different perspective, and I am not stuck wandering around with bottled up emotions.

I have not felt like 'makin' woopie' :) with my hub for a while now. We are both quite busy (though more he than I) and when it comes down to it I just don't feel like it. Am I the only one who feels like this? What have you done in a situation like this?

We live in such a fast-paced world that you'd be hard pressed NOT to find someone who has been in this situation, in my opinion. My job in particular eats up 12-13 hours of my day, so I know easy it is to come home, eat dinner, watch TV and fall asleep before 9:00! But even when you don't feel like it, I think it's important to take the time to get to know your husband in the biblical sense:) Hey, if you have to schedule it in, then do it! It will help "re-train" your brain...and other parts of the body!

How do you handle when someone from your husband's past comes back around...even if it is just a "friend" that may have been a little more than a friend at one point? Do you allow it? Do you have a hissy fit and say no way!! or what??

Umm, this question was made for me:) My husband's best friend is a female. When I first met her, I was so intimidated - she is smart, witty and full of style. It took me YEARS to adjust to her presence in his life. I think a lot of it had to do with a lack of confidence - once I felt confident in myself and our relationship, she slowly became a friend - now we travel, chat, shop, etc. I think in those situations it's best to remind yourself why you love your husband and remember that he chose you! Definitely communicate these concerns to him as well!

What was your favorite thing about your wedding?

The dance party that ensued when Toto's "Africa" was played? My sister's 7 minute maid of honor speech? Seeing my husband for the first time? The fact that he FORGOT TO TURN OFF HIS BLACKBERRY during our mass??? But honestly, my favorite thing about our wedding was that it was so US - everything that happened and everything we planned was very much "us" and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

What are your favorite weekend things to do with your hubby?

Our Friday nights are usually quiet and consist of a home-cooked meal (made by the hubs) and catching up on our favorite shows. On Saturday mornings, after I run and he works, we reconvene for coffee and work together to clean and do laundry. Saturday nights are usually spent out with friends, but Sundays are "our" days - he cooks a nice breakfast and we watch movies, drink tea and snuggle:) Unless I have to go to a bridal or baby shower (BOO!). Seriously, it's mating season!!!

Now that you're married, what's next?

Umm, it's 5:00, so dinner? Just kidding:) I don't know what's next. You can always map out your life but it tends to throw you for a loop sometimes. What I do know is that we want to travel, buy a loft in the city, and have a kid or two. Hopefully in that order!

Are you and your hubs looking for the same thing in a house? or even with baby making? How do you resolve any differences?

See above:) We definitely want to stay in the city and purchase a loft - we love very open, contemporary spaces and we love living in a major city, so this is a big dream of ours. As for kids - we have both gone back and forth on our own time - at first, he wasn't too excited about little bambinos and I was, and now he is a little more excited than I am. Ideally, we'd prefer to wait a few years - and hopefully, when that time comes, we agree on names. Seriously, I ask him every single day to consider a certain name:)

How did you get so many followers?

I think it's because we're really, really ridiculously good-looking:) Seriously, I have no idea, but I am so happy you have all decided to follow along!

Formspring

Hi all!

Like Meghan said in the last post
We have a Formspring over in the left column
Under our pretty pictures.

I'd like to invite everyone to send us some questions?
Anything your hearts desire -
About us, our marriages, relationships, money, sex, in-laws
IT'S ALL OPEN.

So ask away!

Traditions.

Happy Belated Easter to each and every one of you lovely ladies! I hope you had a wonderful weekend, regardless of whether you celebrate! My weekend was filled with amazing lunches, sunshine and dinner with friends. Oh, and of course, the inevitable family party.

How do you and your husband or significant other work the holidays? We live in Chicago, and both of our families are in the suburbs, so we're constantly schlepping around from party to party. One year, I had Easter dinner THREE TIMES. I kid you not. For the past five years, we've just had such a hard time saying NO - so now that we've been married for a few months, we've decided to start our own traditions and spend certain holidays with certain families to ensure that everyone gets quality time with us:)

I look forward to the day when we have a house and can take over the responsibility of hosting our family parties, but until then, I've realized that the hubs and I are slowly creating our own daily traditions, such as:

* Morning coffee dates to Starbucks before we leave for work (A wonderful, albeit expensive, start to the day!)

* Snuggling up in bed to "The Daily Show" and "Chelsea Lately"

* Going for walks around our neighborhood and taking photos

* Ordering in on Friday nights and watching movies

via

What are some traditions that YOU'VE created with your significant other?

P.S. Have a question? Need advice? Don't forget about our Formspring! We'd love to hear from you!

Adios Wisconsin

{via}

For those that read my personal blog, you know that Dustin and I are seriously considering moving to Tampa, FL in the fall.

The entire "let's move" talk started off as kind of a joke. D and I have lived in the Midwest our entire lives and you would think at this point we'd be used to snow and cold. Nope. I hate it and Dustin's getting there too. So last year we started saying, "We should just move." But in that not really serious kind of voice.

Except somehow this changed over the last year. And in the last few weeks we've been talking about really, seriously just picking up and moving.

How can we do this? Well, we don't own a home. We don't have kids. I'm not working right now and my classes are all going to be online. Dustin's job provides him with the opportunity to work from home from anywhere in the world (barring we'd have internet and a landline, that is). Yes, we have family and friends here but at this point in our lives we're kind of thinking, "Why not? We need an adventure!"

I've been researching apartments in Florida (how are they so much CHEAPER and NICER than anything that can be found here in River Falls, WI) and Dustin is working on finding out exactly how working from home would be. But it really sounds like we might just be doing this. For real.

The weird part is that part of me feels like I should be at least a little freaked out about this. But I'm NOT. Sure, I'm going to miss my friends and family. And the Mall of America. And the drive-in. Oh and AUTUMN. I'll miss that season. But not enough to keep me here right now.

Florida... here we come?

The Dreaded Question

Last night, my best friend got married! YEAH! It was such a beautiful evening - a very personal wedding, filled with little touches of the bride and groom. You know it's a great wedding when the bride sings "Ice Ice Baby" in the middle of the dance floor and doesn't.miss.a.single.word. She's nutty, and that's why I love her:) Word to yo motha...

Speaking of "mothas", the wedding really had my head spinning - because now I am in the phase of my life (and now my bestie is joining me), where, instead of asking about wedding plans, the next logical question I am constantly asked by family and friends is:

"So when are you having kids?"

Ugh. Does / has anyone else experienced this? (Salt, just you wait...)

Please understand that these next few words are in no way, shape or form, meant to sound judgmental. It's just that I am very conflicted about children, and like anyone else, am simply trying to sort through my feelings.

My response usually consists of a giggle and a "Oh, we're not sure / We'll see / We just really want to enjoy married life for the time being..." when all I really want to say is: "Seriously?KIDS? Have you SEEN how some of them act in public? I teach high school for a living! Do you KNOW what some of them become? They swear! And drink! And hit each other. And let's not even discuss childbirth OR the first 16 years of their life, thankyouverymuch."

I am so totally, without a doubt, NOT ready for children. They scare the crap out of me, and to be quite honest, many of the people in my life with children rarely share the "good stories". I typically hear about how they can never go out, how hard it is to potty train, how much it sucks to lose the baby weight, etc. Don't get me wrong - I DO want children, but right now I am at the stage in my life where the negatives outweigh the positives. So until the pendulum shifts, I DO plan to enjoy this time with the hubby and travel, check out new restaurants and live it up in the city until we're ready to take that next step. And perhaps finally learn the words to Vanilla Ice while I still have the time.

(we heart it)

Do you want / have children? How did you know when you were ready?

I'm a WIFE!!!

I am proud to say that I can now post here in good conscience!

On February 27th at 3pm, the love of my life (cheesy I know, but trust me it's true!) and I said our 'i do's on a beautiful tropical island. It was a perfect day. Even if something had gone wrong, I probably wouldn't have noticed because I was too busy smiling until my face hurt.

We're back home and enjoying our second week of newlywedded bliss. Being married doesn't feel much different. We already cohabitated for the past year and a half so there is no getting used to a shared living space. Mostly, it seems like we are being extra special nice to each other. Like last night I ordered a delicious pasta dish when we were out for my birthday dinner and planned on eating the leftovers today, but when I got home from work they were gone. I'm assuming he ate them, but I'm not even mad about it. Instead I ordered Thai food and even got some for him, too, so he has something to eat when he gets home.

Now I'm totally picturing myself a year from now calling and yelling at him for eating my dinner if this happens again.

Anyway, I already made the trek to social security yesterday and officially changed my name...a process that took a whopping 10 MINUTES. Is that unheard of or what? I'm still getting used to calling him my husband and hearing myself referred to as a Mrs., but I'm sure it will feel like it was never any other way soon enough.

Until then, we're just settling back in! Our cats are enjoying having their mom and dad together in marriage at last and we are deciding our approach at the next big step...buying a house!

Thank you all so much for the sweet congrats in Krysten's post the other day!

Magic Spark

Through Formspring, Jenni from absent minded asked:

I know this is a dorky way to preface a question but it's the only way to describe it. A few nights ago on The Bachelor, Jake, was describing why he chose the woman he did by repeatedly saying they had the "magic spark." What is this magic spark?

My answer... I have no idea.

I remember the day I met Dustin. I walked into Perkins on my 3rd day of work and there was this tall, dark haired, dark eyed boy standing behind the counter. I introduced myself and I remember thing, "My my, he is cute!"

That night he made me feel at ease, joking around and pretty much goofing off when there weren't customers around. And I will say that I felt something there, but I would call it my initial attraction to him.

Sometimes I think that the "magic spark" is something that books and TV have made up to make everything seem more romantic. I hate to say that because I used to consider myself a total hopeless romantic. And while I still love a good love story, I feel like I have a more realistic look at love too.

Maybe the "magic spark" for Jake and Vienna was the fact that Jake wanted to get her into bed (and she seemed to make it so easy that night she wore that lingerie for him - who does that on a national dating show). Or maybe Dustin and I just took longer to get hit by cupid's arrow and we didn't experience that spark.

I'd love to hear what others have to say on the issue!

Exes

So here's a question:

Are you friends with any of your exes?
{via}

I ask this question relatively often because I'm a little baffled by MY situation.

I am friendly with a few of my exes, which basically means we're friends on Facebook and if I ran into them somewhere I'd probably stop and say hello. One includes my very first boyfriend who I just happened to stay in touch with over the years and another is the first guy I dated in college who broke up with me through email (and has since apologized).

However, I consider myself to be better friends with the guy I was with right before Dustin and I got together. I would call him my big heartbreak. He was also the one I lost my virginity to which I think made it harder for me to let go. In any case, when we finally split for good we stopped talking for months.

Then one day I decided I missed talking to him. I was already with Dustin at the time but Dustin has always trusted me and so I contacted this ex to say hello. At the time he was also dating someone and she and I ended up becoming friends. So much so that the four of us would hang out from time to time. Dustin and this ex get along relatively well and we all had fun together.

To this day I am still friends with this ex. He and I will get together from time to time for coffee or lunch and I know if I were in a bad situation and for whatever reason Dustin couldn't be there I could call this ex and he'd help me out. He's that kind of a person, part of the reason I wanted to stay friendly.

I will say this. I think that being friends with an ex can only happen in certain situations and I think it takes significant others that trust you. I'm lucky enough that Dustin knows me and knows that my friendship with my ex is nothing but a friendship.

In any case, I've always wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience and if they ever stop and think, "Wow, this is weird."

Congrats Salt!

Today

is a monumental day.

Why?

Because today Lauren (AKA Salt)
is officially a MARRIED WOMAN!

On behalf of us ladies here at
The Wife Diaries
I just want to sayNow
Raise your glass of
cyber bubbly high


And help me welcome
our newest wife!

The Wedding Planner.

Lately, I've had weddings on the brain. It may or may not have to do with the fact that our very own Lauren T (aka Salt) is getting married THIS weekend (YEAH!), or because my real-life best friend is getting married in two weeks (YEAH AGAIN!), or because I just love weddings in general.

But simply stated, I love weddings.

When I was planning my wedding, my mother's advice was, "As long as people can eat, drink and dance, no one cares about the details." And quite honestly, I think she's right. I do believe that 95% of guests at weddings have a difficult time recalling the type of flowers in the bouquet or the font used to write the placecards. However, even before getting engaged, I was always in that 5% bracket. I love the little details and truly appreciate my surroundings when I attend a wedding. So, when I got engaged, I had it all mapped out in my head, thinking that my fiance would let me run the show. Tier of cupcakes? Check. A navy and fuchsia color scheme? Check.

Boy, was I wrong.

Mike, my hubby, is not your average bear. He has quite the eye for creativity and design. He is a photographer/web designer, cooks gourmet meals, can sew everything from buttons to pillowcases, and has a passion for music.

He's basically the domestic goddess in this marriage.

From day one, he had a hand in all of our planning, and while we disagreed and disagreed some more, when I look back, I am grateful that he cared so much. Our wedding was beautiful, and I DID get my tier of cupcakes after all. But Mikey? He wanted tuxedos with bowties. SANDALS instead of the standard tuxedo shoe (those of you who know my husband personally probably aren't surprised by this, as the man would probably go barefoot all year round if he could). Scarves with the tuxes (He said this was very Clooney-esque, I said it's the middle of freaking July).

While I nixed the above ideas, he DID get to select the playlist, help design the invitations, AND create our "In lieu of favors" placards.

And he did it all without a bowtie, scarf or sandals and looked damn fine doing so:) And I got my cupcakes.

For those of you who are married, how involved was your husband in the planning??? If you aren't yet married, is there anything that is a "must-have" for your special day??? Give me something to daydream about!

The final countdown is on!

Well, everyone, the wedding is in 6 days! I must have been asked no less than 100 times in the past 2 days if I'm nervous or freaked out about this and the fact is that I have never been so ready for anything in my life.

I thought maybe as I'm entering into my final week as a non-wife (and because my intro post totally lame-o compared to everyone elses'), I would post about how M and I ended up meeting in the first place.

Our story kind of started in 1995. We went to the same high school, but I was a too-cool-for-you senior while he was a lowly junior. So we didn’t really know each other, though I remember seeing him around in the halls.

He looked totally different when our paths crossed again 8 years later at a local bar at Halloween. I was wearing an angel costume with a 6 foot wingspan (most ridiculous idea ever…I could barely move and my best friend had to get my drinks for me the whole night) and talking to a wonderful friend of mine who also just happened to be an old roommate from college. Suddenly this cute cute cute guy came up and started talking to him. He was dressed as Shaun from Shaun of the Dead – one of my most favorite movies; how could you deny a romantic comedy with zombies? – so I obviously had an instant crush on him. Our friend introduced him as his current roommate and we exchanged pleasantries. As he walked away, friend told me something to the effect of put-your-tongue-back-in-your-mouth-he’s-got-a-girlfriend. So that was that. He was awfully nice though (and gorgeous – what a combo!) so we became friends.

Fast forward 3 years and I’m single, living in LA, and stalking around on MySpace (because didn’t everyone do that at one time or another on MySpace?). I came across his page and spent some time reading and looking at his pictures. He was so gosh darn good looking and oh boy he was single now too! A whole lot of good that did me on the other side of the country! Fortunately, however, I had my annual trip home for Christmas and New Years coming up and our mutual roommate started making all these jokes about how he would try to get us together. I brushed him off because I figured I would never be so lucky.

Suddenly it seemed as if I would get my chance. The guys were having a New Years party and I was invited! I showed up and nearly passed out when I saw M. I hadn’t seen him in person in at least a year and he looked so handsome, and was wearing a bowtie no less. The party was fun and I flirted to the best of my socially awkward ability (thanks, liquid courage) and finally, while we were alone upstairs for a minute, I pulled the boldest move of my life and kissed him.

He kissed me back.

And that’s the story of how I met, stalked, and fell in love with my husband-to-be.

Thank goodness I was tired of living in California. I moved home 6 months later. We were engaged on February 3rd, 2009 and I can't wait to share everything about our wedding with you! (OMG. THIS SATURDAY!!!)

Hard Times

So here's a question for all of you.

What has been the hardest time for you and your significant other?
How did you help each other get through it?

For Dustin and me, that time is right now. I don't have a job and we are having to do everything we can to make ends meet. It's not easy and it's been draining on us.

At this time last year we both had jobs - not the BEST jobs but we had them. We had money in savings and my checking account looked darn good. We were moving towards talking about buying a house and things looked relatively good.

Now we're having to borrow from savings and if an unexpected bill comes we scramble. It's hard and I hate it. I've been working so hard to try to find a job but no one seems to be hiring. I want to go back to school, and I'd qualify for financial aid, but I want to be working too.

Our vows didn't include "for richer or poorer" although I think they're implied. Now Dustin and I are really dealing with it. I never really thought very much about that until now.

It's really hard. And for the most part I've tried to remain optimistic. Sometimes I get sad but when I am Dustin is right there to pick me up again. And although this time right now has being incredibly trying for us I realize how lucky Dustin and I are to have each other.

Greetings!

Apparently, I am "tardy for the party", as one of my favorite "housewives" (Kim from the RH of Atlanta) might say, so here goes!

I'm the fourth, and tardy, wife Meghan. I was born and raised in Chicago (Chi-Town, represent!) and I was just recently married this past July to a handsomely quirky man, Michael. Meet Mikey:

Our "how we met" story is super long, and may or may not involve Snoop Dogg jokes, getting stranded in the rain, and a very intoxicated friend (Umm, hi, Christy) telling us we should date. But the long and short of it is this: we met at a wedding!!! We both stood up in a friend's wedding. It took several jokes and my vast musical knowledge to impress this cool cat, but it worked, and he asked me out. He made me dinner at his apartment on our first date, where I totally thought that he might be a serial killer and had a "back-up plan" in case he was (umm, hi again, Christy) - but don't let the beard deceive you. He's perfectly harmless:)

After 9 months of dating, we moved in together. Mike was my first super-serious relationship AND my first real roommate after college. I honestly never pictured myself "moving out" by "moving in" with my boyfriend - AND moving from the Chicago suburbs to the city itself. I definitely shocked myself, my parents AND my friends - but it all worked out in the end. We lived together for over three years before Mike proposed, and we were engaged for a year and a half before we were married.

Our wedding was off the chain, as my students say. It was big and bold, and I loved every second of it. We definitely prided ourselves on having a very "us" wedding. It was full of wonderfully quirky moments. For instance, you're probably wondering why I am posting a picture of our backs.

Well, it's because at this very instant, I am mouthing to my friends that MIKE FORGOT TO TURN OFF HIS BLACKBERRY DURING OUR WEDDING. He realized this about halfway through our mass. I was horrified at the time (and luckily no one called), but now I can look back on it and laugh. A little.

Or here. Only Mikey would say something incredibly inappropriate when the photographer tells you to "whisper sweet nothings" into your wife's ear.

Sigh. I love this man.

And I love YOU for following along with The Wife Diaries. Cheers to Krysten for this amazing idea, and the Laurens for joining the fun! I am really excited and honored to be a part of this new adventure, and I hope you'll find it to be helpful, humorous and heartfelt. And full of weird, quirky moments:)